Allen
by Allen the Musician
Summary: The fake smile was a defense mechanism, something that he could use to hide the pain that he could never forget. The pain of the past, the time before Mana, the time before happiness. The time that he couldn't make himself speak of but couldn't forget.
1. Pain

Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man

Chapter One - Pain

Pain.

There are many different kinds of pain; there's the physical kind which leaves your body aching but your mind largely intact and then there's the mental kind which leaves your body functioning but your mind cracked and shattered beyond repair. Both forms of pain leave scars; the physical scars mar the body and can be plainly seen while the mental scars mar the soul and are invisible to the naked eye. During their lives everyone is destined to experience pain in one form or another, it is an inevitability. But few are so unfortunate as to experience a level of mental and physical anguish that leaves them wondering to what purpose they were born. Was it simply their fate to be born, to suffer, and then to die?

Standing off to himself in the front yard of a gloomy looking building surrounded by a rod iron fence the little boy appeared, from a distance, to be normal. He was rail thin and small in stature, appearing to be around the age of four or five, and had a mop of messy brown hair on top of his head. The hair fell in front of his eyes and served to obscure eyes that were the cool gray of the sky just before a storm.

Eyes that were haunted by pain.

Pain was the one thing that was consistently present in his life. Most people would be completely overwhelmed by this fact but the little boy didn't dwell on the fact that his existence was miserable on an unimaginable level. It wasn't something that he thought about; it simply was. The child knew that his name was Allen, he had been told this by the faceless people who ran the orphanage and pretended to care for him. He'd never been given a last name to go with it but then what did an unwanted child need with a last name anyway?

He was worthless, merely a burden to all those whom he came in contact with. This fact had been drilled into his brain from his earliest memories; so much so that it was only natural for the child to assume that it was true. After all what reason would he have to doubt this fact when even his own parents, the people who should have loved and cherished him above all others, hadn't been able to stomach the sight of him. That was why he had been dumped at this horrible place as an infant, left to the care of the faceless people who ran the orphanage.

He was probably lucky that he hadn't been killed.

And it was all because of his left arm. Allen had been born deformed, different from everyone else in the world, which was the reason why his parents hadn't wanted him. The skin of the appendage was a deep red color and the skin was rough in both appearance and texture. The finger nails on that hand were midnight black and the joints overly visible.

In short it was wrong.

Allen didn't know why it was wrong but he had been told that it was so many times that he really couldn't help but to echo the thoughts of others as his own. He was nothing more than a worthless child with a deformed arm. The orphanage was filled with unwanted children but at least they had the prospect of being adopted and going to a new home.

Allen wasn't as lucky.

The people who ran the orphanage; he had no faces or names to go by, just voices that haunted his dreams at night, didn't even bother to show him to the people who came to the orphanage looking for a child to call their own. No one would want such a cursed child so why would should they even bother to waste people's time? The time and effort was better spent on one of the normal children who actually deserved a home and a family that loved them.

Allen tried to convince himself that it didn't matter that people tended to look around him rather than at him. Tried to convince himself that it was better to never be seen, better to always be overlooked. Constantly being ignored was difficult to deal with, loneliness eating away at your soul, but at least when you were being ignored you weren't being struck. It was all a form of torture.

The physical pain was harder to deal with at the time however the mental pain was much harder to recover from in the long run.

Due to his neglect and abuse the child had formed a kind of shell around himself in an attempt to protect his mind from the feelings of hopelessness brought about by his circumstances. He had been trapped here for so long that he no longer had any hope of escape and as a result he closed himself off from the world. No one could penetrate his shell and as a result no one could hurt him.

Or at least that's what the little boy tried to tell himself. He tried to tell himself that he didn't care about the others, that he didn't care about anything. And he might have been able to convince himself of this fact if that single tear hadn't betrayed him every time that he watched one of the other children leave the orphanage hand in hand with someone who wanted them.

As he watched this scene unfold yet again Allen vaguely wondered what it felt like to be wanted. Then the child felt the single tear that was trickling down his face and swiped at it furiously with his right hand. His left hand, his deformed hand, had always been stiff and difficult to use so Allen had adapted to doing things with only one hand. He had learned to be very resourceful during his relatively short life. It had been necessary for his survival.

He was angry at himself for crying over something that couldn't be changed. He was young, it was true, but he was already far more knowledgeable about the world than a child of his age should have been. He knew that life was a series of hardships one after another and that there was no escaping the pain. You could run and you could struggle but in the end it was all for nothing.

A difficult life surrounded by people who loathed his very existence had taught him that lesson and he had taken it to heart.

The faceless people who ran the orphanage took care of him, to a certain extent. He was given shelter, clothing and just enough food to keep him alive. But he wasn't educated as the other children were and was kept separated. Except out in the yard when they were taken out for their brief playtime.

During those times Allen was completely at the mercy of the other children.

The children often proved to be more cruel than the adults. At least the adults were open with their loathing and quick with their words and blows. The children often allowed Allen to briefly join in their play, making him think that perhaps he had finally been accepted.

That made the pain all the more difficult to bear when they eventually turned on him. And they always did so, after awhile, Allen grew wise to their ways and ceased his attempts to fit in. After that the boy would hide in the shadows, making every attempt to remain completely unnoticed by everyone. Always hiding in the shadows and watching all that went on but never making any attempt to join in.

It was an exceedingly lonely existence but it was all that he really knew.

"Allen!"

The child was surprised by the harsh voice that called out to him and he cringed as he watched one of his so called caretakers walking across the yard toward the spot where he was standing with his back pressed against the wall of the orphanage. He could tell, by the tone of the voice that had spoken, that the faceless person was angry with him and the child frantically tried to think of anything that he might have done to earn such displeasure.

Nothing immediately came to mind but then again Allen was well aware of the fact that people didn't really need a reason to be angry with him. His very existence irritated most people and by simply being there and breathing he caused the people around him to be angry.

And when they were angry he ended up hurt.

It was sad that he merely accepted this fact as the way things were but it was all that he had ever known. With trembling legs and vacant eyes he awaited whatever horror the caretaker wished to inflict upon him. After all, it wasn't as though he could run from her with any hope of actually getting away. He had tried that a couple of times and it hadn't ended well for him. The angry woman seized the small child by one thin arm and dragged him toward the front door of the orphanage. Feeling as though his arm was going to be torn from it's socket Allen was forced to jog in order to keep up with the tall woman's rapid steps.

The faceless woman pulled him up the stairs and to the most feared room of the entire orphanage. The Headmasters office. This was somewhere that none of the children wanted to go and Allen had to force back a sob as he realized their destination. He knew that crying wouldn't really help his situation and there was a stubborn part of him that didn't want to show them his tears.

"Here's the boy Headmaster," the faceless woman said as she roughly shoved Allen inside the large office.

A tall man nodded his head in the woman's direction. "Thank you. You may leave us."

The woman nodded politely to the man and then left the room, closing the door behind herself as she departed. Allen felt his heart rate quicken as the man gazed at him through cold eyes. This man, the Headmaster, was the only one whose face Allen had relegated to his memory. This man was the cause of most of the physical pain that he had endured during his hellish life in this place and Allen hated him above all others.

The man lived to intimidate people and, although his heart was racing and he couldn't keep his legs from shaking, Allen managed to keep the fear from showing in his eyes as he lifted his gaze to meet that of the man.

"Allen," the man said, his voice as cold as his gaze as he regarded the small child who was standing near the door. He was always irritated by the fact that this particular brat never showed even a trace of fear when in his presense and he made it his mission in life to see this boy cower like the worthless piece of trash he was. "Come here."

It was a command that Allen knew better than to ignore and, wanting desperately to be somewhere other than this particular room, the boy slowly made his way across the large office. He came to stand in front of the Headmaster's desk, his hands held behind his back in the hopes that the man would ignore his freakish arm. The long sleeved shirt that he wore was about two sizes too big for him, the sleeves so long that only the tips of his fingers were visible, but that was enough for most people.

All it took was a mere glance at his deformity to set off people's anger.

"It has been brought to my attention that a gold pocket watch has been stolen from one of the staff," the Headmaster said, his gaze focused on the child as though to gauge Allen's reaction to this news. Allen didn't know anything about the watch in question and could only gaze at the man with a questioning look in his gray eyes.

"Did you take it?" the Headmaster asked.

"No sir," Allen whispered in a voice that was barely above a whisper. The child never spoke unless it was absolutely demanded of him and therefore his voice had a rasping quality that came from lack of use.

The Headmaster glared at the child as though he could force Allen to change his story by sheer force of will. Allen felt a shiver run though his body however he was speaking the truth and refused to confess to a crime that he knew he hadn't committed. He was unwanted, useless and deformed but he wasn't a thief.

The Headmaster got to his feet and stepped from behind his desk, his gaze still resolutely locked on Allen. "I thought that you would say this however I was informed that you were seen hiding something under the mattress of your bed. We searched and found this..."

Allen's blood ran cold as the man reached into his pocket and pulled out a gold pocket watch, holding it up by the chain. "I... I didn't..."

It was obvious from the man's facial expression that he didn't believe the child and Allen realized that he had no way to prove to the Headmaster that he was speaking the truth. He knew that he was going to be severely punished for this and he was afraid.

He refused to show the fear and he would refuse to show the pain but it would still be there.

It was the one thing that was always present in his life. He couldn't count on anything else but he knew that the pain would always be there.

A/N - This fic is probably going to turn out to be depressing but I decided that I wanted to delve into Allen's possible past before Mana. Judging by the child that Mana found his life had to have been difficult and so this idea was born. Please leave a review and tell me what you thought. If enough people like and review this story then I'll continue with it.

Allen: This isn't fair, you shouldn't be telling them these things  
The Musician: Damn kid. Personally I think that you're better off with my memories.  
Allen: Shut up!


	2. Learning to Cope

Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man  
A/N - Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, favorited and alerted this story! You guys are awesome and now, as promised, let the story continue!

Warning: scene of child abuse in this chapter so you have been warned.

Chapter Two - Learning to Cope

Allen lay on the floor of the office, curled into a ball with his hands covering his head for protection, as blow after blow rained down upon his small form. The Headmaster was ruthless under normal circumstances but this time it was different. This time he seemed to be determined to beat the poor little child on the floor half to death. The first couple of blows that fell upon his small back caused Allen a pain the likes of which he hadn't even dreamed existed but after that the little boy allowed his mind to leave his tortured and battered body.

His consciousness fled the scene and the little boy withdrew into himself. The blows from the cruel man only vaguely registered as Allen retreated inward; retreated to a place where pain and suffering were nonexistent. This place, a place of his own design, was free from all the horrors of his life and Allen went there willingly.

Anything to escape the pain.

The room to which he retreated wasn't very large, around the size of a normal bedroom, and it was decorated as such. It looked like a child's room, decorated with a circus theme, and in this space Allen felt a strange sense of peace.

It was almost as though someone cared.

The little boy didn't know how it was that his mind knew what it was like to be cared for, since he had never experienced that particular feeling himself, but he didn't question it. Perhaps it had merely came from watching the way adults treated the other children, the ones who were normal. He had witnessed kindness, even if he had never been fortunate enough to experience it first hand.

Allen remained in his sanctuary until his mind was forcefully brought back to his hellish reality by the harsh voice of the Headmaster. Reluctantly the little boy left this place of safety and warmth and returned to the reality of pain and fear. The child had to force back a moan of pain as his mind returned and he was assaulted by flesh searing pain. He wanted desperately to return to that blessed sanctuary but he couldn't.

"I hope you've learned your lesson," the Headmaster said, his voice cold and his eyes harsh as he spoke to the little form that was lying huddled on the floor. "I would hate to have to repeat this... incident. It hurts me whenever I'm forced to discipline one of my children."

Allen hated hearing these words most of all. The pain was hard enough to deal with but the outright lie was enough to make him vomit. He knew that the man didn't hate what he did; knew that he actually enjoyed the sense of fear that his presence evoked in the children that he was supposed to care for. The sense of power that he got from knowing that their lives were all in his hands.

But he knew better than to say any of this and merely continued to cover his head with his small hands.

Once his so called punishment was over Allen was once again seized by the Headmaster. The man ruthlessly grabbed the little boy by the back collar of his shirt and pulled him up into the air. Allen gasped as the cloth of his shirt rubbed against his raw and aching back but managed to bite his lip before any cries of pain issued forth. He was still determined not to let the cruel man know just how much pain he was in, both physically and emotionally. That would be like allowing him to win the battle and Allen was determined that this would not happen.

He was stronger than that.

Without any concern for the boy's wounds the Headmaster carried the child by the collar of his shirt, holding him at arm's length as though he didn't want to touch the little boy. Due to the pain that he was currently enduring Allen's body hung limply, barely supported by the cruel man's grip. His eyes were glazed over and he appeared only semi-conscious. Ignoring all of this the Headmaster made his way to the attic of the orphanage and over to a flea-bitten old mattress that was positioned in one corner of the room.

Without even the slightest bit of concern about how much pain it would cause the child the Headmaster ruthlessly dropped the little body onto the mattress. The moment he hit the thin mattress Allen curled himself into the tightest ball that he could manage and just lay there, desperately hoping that the Headmaster would be satisfied that he'd suffered enough and just leave.

"You get no supper tonight," the Headmaster said in a cold voice, glaring down at the little boy. "So don't even bother showing your face downstairs for the rest of the night."

And with these words the man finally turned and left the little boy to his misery.

As Allen lay on the old, lumpy mattress that had been his bed for as long as he could remember he fought hard to keep the tears at bay. The punishment that he had received at the hands of the cruel Headmaster had been the worst that he could remember, which was truly saying something since his memory was one long line of similar incidents. Perhaps the man had been upset because theft was a serious crime or perhaps he had just been enraged because Allen had refused to allow any tears to fall.

It wasn't that the punishment was easy to endure. He was used to constant pain however this had been on a completely different level. It was just that, after enduring a life of unending hardship, the small child had developed a defense mechanism. Allen had learned to let his mind wander to a distant place where no pain and no sorrow could reach him.

It was a place safe inside his mind; of his own design and completely free from the harshness that he faced in his everyday life. There was a comfortable bed there, warm blankets, and best of all there was a man there who offered him the comfort of a warm embrace. Allen couldn't see the man's face however he could hear his voice. It was a kind voice that promised him that things wouldn't always be so bad for him.

Allen wanted desperately to believe that the words spoken to him by the man were the truth but it was hard when even the tiniest movement brought him gasping back to reality. And the reality of this situation was that Allen was completely beaten and his mind was all but broken.

Now that his mind had been brought back to the here and now Allen clenched his eyes closed to prevent the tears from falling. The pain was so intense that for a moment the little boy found himself wishing that he would just stop breathing and drift off to a peaceful sleep from which he would never wake.

"So here you are," a boy's voice called out almost tauntingly.

With effort Allen raised his head from the lumpy mattress, which smelled strongly of mold, and gazed over at the boy who had entered the space that had been designated as his. The attic was supposed to be off limits to all except for him and the so called care takers of this establishment but to Allen's horror a couple of boys had broken the rules and came up to torment him.

_"No," _the little boy thought to himself, still willing himself not to cry. He had already endured so much, all because of something that he hadn't done, and now these boys were here to cause him further torment. This group, consisting of four boys who were all several years older and quite a bit larger that Allen, were known around the orphanage as bullies.

They would pick on anyone but Allen was their favorite prey. Because the small child never showed any trace of fear or pain he was the one that they chose to torment the most. It had become their mission in life to make this strange little abomination cry.

"Look at him," one of the boys, a tall blond youth named Robert, said as he and his friends made their way toward the old mattress where Allen was lying. "Endured a beating and the little freak still won't cry."

"I know," a shorter, black haired boy said. "He's a freak."

"You're wrong Thomas," Robert said, shaking his head. "He's worse than a freak. So bad that even his parents didn't want him."

Allen winced at these words, spoken to him by the cruel boy. He knew that the words that the bully spoke were the truth and yet something in him cried out in protest. "No," the little voice whispered, calling out to Allen for the first time. "They're wrong. You're not worthless."

A strange look appeared in Allen's eyes as he heard these words, whispered to him from an unknown source. Were these words true? Was he in fact something other than worthless? Did his life have some hidden value, something that was worth saving?

"I thought for sure that the theft of that watch would be enough to get him to beat the little brat to death," Robert said, his eyes narrowed in extreme disgust as he gazed at the little boy. It was true that Allen had never really done anything to him but he hated the boy's presence in this place. Hated every thing about him.

Something inside Allen snapped as he heard these words, as good as a confession as far as he was concerned. He had known that Robert hated him, just as everyone else did, but hadn't imagined that the other boy would go this far.

_"This is his fault," _the inner voice whispered, catching Allen's attention yet again. _"He did this to you. He's the cause of the pain that you endured."_

Various colors seemed to swirl before his eyes as Allen thought about his circumstances. Everyone here at the orphanage hated him, wanted rid of him, and this was just the latest in a series of horrors that he had endured. Something had to be done, he couldn't continue living this way.

And in that moment Allen made a decision.

"Look at him guys," Robert said to his group, all of whom had their attention focused on Allen. "That look on his face... what's... what's wrong with him?"

Allen's vision refocused on the group of boys who were gazing down at him and he did something that shocked even him. Fighting hard against the pain the young boy pushed himself up from the moth-eaten mattress and rose to a kneeling position. His heart began to beat faster and his vision swam due to a sudden bought of dizziness. The child took deep breaths for a few minutes and then, once the dizziness subsided, he forced himself to rise to a standing position.

"What's he doing?" the shortest guy in the group asked, his green eyes focused on Allen.

"I have no idea," Robert said, shaking his head. "Wesley, you and Gregory grab him. I think it's time that we taught this little abomination some respect."

The short guy nodded and he, along with the brown haired boy named Gregory, made a move toward the child who was standing beside the mattress. Allen's legs were shaking but there was a voice inside his head telling him to stand up for himself and to not allow these bullies to terrorize him. He had no idea where the voice had came from, when none had been there before, but was none the less choosing to listen.

Raising his right hand Allen gazed at the other boys.

"Look at this shit," Robert said, throwing his head back and laughing at the sight of the scrawny little boy holding up one hand as though he thought he could do something about his current situation. "I think he's lost his little mind."

"I think you're right," Thomas said, grinning like a fool as he gazed at the boy. "Little git can only use one hand and he wants to fight us."

"This oughta be good," Gregory said.

Even as young as he was Allen knew that the odds were not in his favor. But that didn't detract from the fact that he was tired of everyone taking advantage of him and knocking him around just because he happened to have been born different than they were. Every fiber of his being was telling him to stand up for himself and the child was determined to do so, no matter what the end result was.

TBC...

Allen: 'Still horrified that The Musician is telling this story'  
The Musician: Cheer up kid, it could be worse.  
Allen: Innocence Activate!  
The Musician: Okay guys, I've gotta run... for my life... I'll see you next time!  
Allen: Come back here!


	3. Something Lost, Something Gained

Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man

Chapter Three - Something Lost, Something Gained

Allen's heart was pounding as he stood facing the group of older boys who had came to the attic intent on causing him more pain. And yet at the same time determination shone bright in his stormy gray eyes. The child knew that he was going to lose this fight but he was determined to hurt them as much as he possibly could before that happened. No longer would he just take the abuse without putting up a fight.

"I can't believe it," Robert said as he gazed at the scrawny little abomination who was holding up one puny little fist. "He's really gonna fight."

"I think he's lost his mind," Wesley commented as he took a menacing step toward the smaller boy. None of them could believe that the little freak, who was so tiny and could only use one of his arms, was actually intending to fight against them. It was beyond crazy, even for him.

Allen heard the taunting tone of the other boys' voices and he saw the menacing looks in their eyes and yet he still refused to back down. It wasn't that he wasn't afraid, his legs were shaking with fear. But he had made a decision to stand up against his tormentors and he wasn't going to back down from this.

"You've got to be kidding me," Robert said with a sneer.

The older boy took yet another menacing step toward the child, intent on teaching the little abomination a lesson, but he was completely shocked when the small child launched himself forward. Allen struck the older boy square in the stomach, sending both of them tumbling head over heels across the hard wooden floor of the attic. The other boys were so shocked by this move that all they could do was stand and stare as Allen, the little brat who never did anything to defend himself, pummeled their leader.

With the one hand that he could actually use Allen punched his tormentor with all of the strength that he possessed. Years of torment came to overwhelm the little boy and fury filled his stormy gray eyes as he gazed down at the boy who had made it his life's mission to make Allen's life more miserable than it already was. Growling with years of pent up rage Allen struck out as though this would take away all of the torment that he had endured in his short and tortured life.

Acting as though something had snapped inside his mind Allen fought like a feral animal, intent upon causing as much harm as possible to the stunned boy who was lying on the ground beneath his frail little body. The single fist that he could use made contact with the older boy's face again and again as Allen gazed down at his tormentor with a cold expression in his gray eyes.

After the initial shock wore off Robert howled with rage and roughly shoved the little freak off him. Somewhat dazed by the unexpected attack the boy staggered to his feet and gazed down at the child who was now struggling to get to his feet. Anger and hatred filled his eyes and he fought to bring his breathing under control around the rage that was building. The runt actually packed a fairly strong punch and Robert found himself wiping blood from his split lip and broken nose.

"You're going to pay for that you little..." Robert's gaze shot to his group of friends and he snarled, "Wesley, Gregory, grab the brat. I think it's time that we taught him his place."

Knowing that Robert was angry with them for not having stepped in sooner the two boys immediately made a move to follow the orders given to them by their leader. Rushing forward they each grabbed one of Allen's frail arms, pulling them roughly as they fought to hold the struggling boy. The child cried out, both from the pain that their hold caused his left arm and the pain that he was already enduring due to his earlier beating, however the fire remained in his eyes. He struggled against his captors and they cried out as his feet made contact with their bodies.

Spitting blood from his mouth Robert walked over to the spot where his friends were struggling to restrain the little abomination. He came to a stop in front of Allen but was forced to jump back as the little boy aimed a kick in his direction. It seemed that even now the freak was determined to fight, despite the fact that his arms were being held by the older boys. "I think the little freak's possessed."

Allen thought that perhaps the older boy's words were true. It was as though something had taken hold of him and was forcing him to fight back against his tormentors. He didn't want to be a victim any longer and he was determined to cause them at least a small measure of the pain that they had caused him. Once again he kicked out toward Robert and this time he felt his foot make contact.

Caught off guard by the attack that he hadn't seen coming Robert fell back, landing hard on his backside. This only caused his anger to rise and he saw red as he gazed at the boy that his friends were holding restrained between them. The little brat would pay dearly for this newest insult. If this continued then his friends would begin to think that he was weak and that was something that Robert refused to allow.

"Damn you!" Robert roared as he jumped to his feet. He rushed forward and punched the struggling little boy hard in the stomach.

Allen gasped from the pain and fought hard to catch his breath. Most of the fight drained out of the child, owing to the fact that he was finding it difficult to breathe, and Robert took this opportunity to make the little abomination suffer for having dared to fight back. He aimed a kick to the boy's side and grinned in sadistic satisfaction as he heard the sound of ribs breaking.

For the first time Allen cried out, unable to cope with this new and excruciating pain. Tears appeared in his gray eyes and Allen fought hard to keep them from falling as he whimpered in pain. This only fueled Robert's anger and he once again kicked the child, laughing at the expression of pain that appeared in Allen's once defiant gray eyes. Eyes that were filled with unshed tears.

"What the devil is going on up here?!" an angry feminine voice called out.

The angry voice broke through the noise of the fight and the children paused, their faces showing the panic that they felt. None of them, with the exception of the little abomination, were allowed in the attic and they knew that they were in trouble. Robert and the other boys heard the sounds of footsteps coming up the stairs and they immediately dropped Allen to the ground, not wanting the woman to know what had been going on. Moments later one of the women who worked at the orphanage appeared and she glared at the assembled group. "Explain yourselves."

Robert instantly went into innocent child mode and he gazed up at the woman as though he had done nothing wrong. "I know we're not supposed to be up here ma'am but we just wanted to make sure that Allen was okay. But when we asked him, he just attacked us for no reason."

The woman's gaze took in Robert's bloody face and then she turned her eyes toward the small child who was curled up into a ball on the floor. "You always have to cause trouble don't you?" She glared at Allen for a couple of minutes, as though debating what to do with him, and then she turned to the other boys and offered them a smile. "Come on boys, you shouldn't be up here. It's time for supper. He doesn't deserve your sympathy anyway."

With these words the woman made her way back to the stairs that led down from the attic and, after casting a triumphant gaze in Allen's direction, Robert and the others followed her. The beaten little boy waited, holding his breath, until he was certain that they were gone and then he forced himself to his feet. He was in so much pain that he could barely walk but he had made a decision when that woman had accused him of being the trouble maker. The child didn't care what happened to him; he was going to leave this place and never come back.

Allen would rather die on the streets than be subjected to this level of torture until he came of age. If he even managed to survive that long. And that was far from a certainty if he remained. After all, they all hated him so much and took every opportunity to cause him pain. There was only so much pain that one soul could endure and Allen was determined to break free from this prison before he lost the will to fight that he had so recently gained.

Escape was his only hope.

Allen waited until he was certain that everyone would be assembled in the dining hall and then he silently made his way downstairs. That was one of the advantages of always fearing to be noticed; he had learned to move about virtually silently. No one heard his little footsteps as he made his way down the corridor that would lead him to the front door and to freedom. The little boy made one brief stop and then he left the orphanage as fast as his battered little body could take him.

He didn't even glance back as he fled this place of torture.

Walking away from the place where he had lived his entire life and yet had never called home, Allen pulled something from his pocket. A memento of his days of torment spent within those walls and a reminder of the decision that he had made.

It was the pocket watch that he had been accused of stealing.

Allen knew that stealing was wrong but he justified this particular theft by telling himself that he had already been punished for taking the watch so he may as well actually steal it. Flipping it open he glanced at the hands briefly before flipping it closed and stowing it back in his pocket. He couldn't even tell time so the watch was pretty much useless but that wasn't the reason why Allen had taken it.

The watch was meant to represent what he had lost and what he had gained by leaving the orphanage.

The look of torture remained in his smoky gray eyes however there was also something else there. A determination to never again just allow people to take advantage of him because he was different. Perhaps this strange arm that he had been born with really did make him an abomination but that wasn't his fault. He hadn't asked for this life and he knew, for the first time in his life, that he shouldn't have to suffer because of something that wasn't his fault.

A/N - Poor Allen. But at least he got a small measure of revenge against those who had hurt him. I wanted to let Allen win the fight but one on four simply wasn't realistic. And now he really did steal the watch. Hope that you liked this chapter, please review and let me know what you thought.


	4. Alone

Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man

Chapter Four - Alone

As Allen made his way down a lonely stretch of road the little boy struggled with each step that he took. He felt as though he had lead weights strapped to each of his ankles and found that it took a great deal of effort just to put one foot in front of the other. The child felt a sense of urgency while fleeing the orphanage, knowing that it would be very bad for him should anyone catch him, but at the same time it was all he could do to keep moving.

The wounds that he had suffered, both at the hands of the cruel headmaster and the ruthless older boys, were throbbing persistently and Allen found himself seeking shelter after having traveled only about a mile. He didn't really want to stop, wanting instead to keep moving until he literally collapsed from exhaustion, but he was in so much pain. The little boy was torn between wanting to get as far away from that hellhole as possible and needing to stop and allow his wounds to heal a little before he continued.

As was normally the case in life need won out over want and the child sought shelter among a large grove of trees. He had basically nothing, having had no possessions to bring along with him, and his stomach was reminding him that he hadn't eaten since early that morning. And even then his portion had been pitifully small. The child couldn't remember a time when he'd actually been given enough to eat but this was definitely the worst that it had ever been.

Hanging his head dejectedly the child settled down on the grass and once again pulled the stolen watch from his pocket. Allen gazed down at the pilfered time piece, a far away look in his gray eyes.

This watch had came to symbolize everything that he was running away from.

Tears appeared in the little boy's eyes as Allen once again recalled the horror that he had been subjected to while living in that hell hole that people called an orphanage but he refused to allow them to fall. Already he had shed more than his fair share of tears and although he was young Allen knew that he couldn't show any weakness now. Weakness was something that people looked for and when they found it in someone they were relentless. He had to look and act strong.

At least around other people.

Curling up into the tightest ball that he could manage Allen closed his eyes and once again retreated to his inner sanctum. Here all was well with the world and the familiar form was waiting to offer him a comfort that no real person had ever given.

_**"Don't worry little one... Life will not always be this way... You are more important than you know..."**_

Allen didn't understand how he could possibly be important but he desperately wanted to believe the words of the figure who dwelled in his inner realm. Wanted to believe that life would not always hold the misery that he had become so accustomed to.

A clap of thunder startled the boy from his place of safety inside his mind and Allen choked back a sob as he felt the first drops of rain fall upon his small form. Lightening lit up the sky overhead and Allen shuddered, slightly afraid of being so exposed out in the storm.

"Why?" the boy whispered, gazing up at the sky. The child ignored the drops of water that fell into his eyes and continued to gaze skyward, as though searching for some deeper reason for his suffering. Honestly what could he possibly have done to deserve such suffering from life?

_**"Don't worry little one..."**_

The voice calling out to him was so inviting, soothing in a world that offered him little in the way of comfort, and Allen wished only to sink into his inner world and escape the suffering. Unfortunately the sound of the thunder and the flashes of lightening made it nearly impossible for the child to sink into himself and left him to merely suffer through it.

That first night on his own was hard on Allen; the thunder continued to crash and the lightening continued to light up the sky. This, combined with the soaking rain that fell from the clouds overhead, ensured that the little boy didn't get any sleep that night.

All he could do was lie on the ground and shiver, attempting to curl himself into a ball to preserve what little body heat he possessed, and failing miserably at it. Clenching the stolen pocket watch tight Allen weathered the storm, his eyes closed tight against the raging storm and his little heart racing.

He had always been just a little bit afraid of thunder and being outside in the middle of the raging storm only intensified those feelings of fear. But Allen found that, if he listened hard enough, he could still hear that inner voice calling out to him. Telling him that everything was going to be alright. That no matter how bad things seemed at the moment they would get better in time.

For the first time in his life, along with the soothing words, Allen heard what sounded like music. It was a sad little tune but it seemed to offer him a measure of peace and Allen closed his eyes and hummed the tune to himself. He didn't really know where he had heard it; it sounded like a lullaby and he knew for a fact that no one had ever sang one to him but the tune was there none the less.

And it was comforting.

The morning brought about the end of the storm but as Allen gazed at the rising sun he knew that he was faced with a new set of problems. He knew nothing about fending for himself but he had no choice except to learn how or to just give up and die.

And giving up was something that he simply wasn't willing to do. It would be almost like he was admitting to everyone who had made him suffer that he really wasn't worthy of life. His cloths were soaked and he was miserable but as he got to his feet Allen vowed that he would survive.

If only to prove that he was stronger than all of those people who had caused him pain.

"I need to find something to eat," the little boy thought to himself as he got shakily to his feet.

The gnawing pain in his stomach was growing increasingly harder to ignore and Allen forced his beaten and battered body to move forward. His wounds were still throbbing painfully but the pain of hunger was more pressing at the moment and was serving to push all other thoughts to the back of the little boy's mind.

Food was the number one priority at the moment but unfortunately there were no signs of civilization so Allen resigned himself to searching the forest for berries.

The forest where he had taken shelter the night before was eerily quiet in the early morning and Allen found that the constant growling of his stomach was the only noise that could be heard. It was somewhat unnerving to the child to be so completely alone but at the same time being alone meant that there wasn't anyone around to hurt him. No one shouting at him that he was a useless waste of space. This was the first time in his life that Allen had felt such peace and even though he was cold, wet, and hungry the child found that this peace almost made up for those discomforts.

"Almost," he thought as his stomach growled once again.

"_**Keep moving forward little one…"**_

Allen found that he was beginning to rely on this inner voice for strength and he nodded his head at the whispered words. Nothing would be gained by standing around and dwelling on the bleakness of his situation. He would move forward and look for something to eat.

Things looked bad at the moment but as he once again pulled the watch from his pocket Allen thought back to all of the horrors that he had endured during his years at the orphanage and suddenly the hardships that he was currently facing didn't seem quite so bad. He could get through this.

Keep moving forward…

A/N - Hope that you enjoyed this chapter, please leave a review and tell me what you thought. Sorry that it was shorter than the others but hopefully the next one will be longer. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, added this story to their favorites and alerts so far, this fic is way more popular than I expected. Thanks for the support.


	5. Adjusting and Adapting

Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man

Chapter Five - Adjusting and Adapting

They say that it is always darkest just before dawn... After spending a horrible night in the rain Allen felt even worse than he had before he ran away from the orphanage. His injuries were still causing him a great deal of pain and, on top of that, he was now cold, wet and ravenously hungry.

And of course his hunger took precedence over everything else. The other discomforts he could deal with but the gnawing at his stomach was much harder to ignore.

The first order of business would have to be to find something to eat. The problem with that was that there weren't any signs of civilizations in his current location. The only thing that he knew to be in the area was the orphanage that he had fled from and Allen would rather die than go back there under any circumstances.

Which meant that he would have to try and find something that he could eat in the forest where he had spent the night.

Despite the pain of the wounds that he had suffered, both at the hands of the cruel headmaster as well as the other boys, Allen forced himself to get to his feet. With hunger the driving force behind his actions the little boy began to wander through the forest.

The child desperately wanted to find something that would ease the ache in his stomach but the truth was that Allen didn't have the slightest idea what he was looking for. Had no idea what kind of plants were safe to eat.

The little boy sniffed as he gazed around at his surroundings but he willed himself not to cry. Tears wouldn't do anything for his situation.

Wouldn't help him do what he needed to do in order to survive.

Due to the storm that had passed through in the night there was a chill in the air and Allen shivered as he walked. His clothes were shabby and torn in places and the chill was making it painfully obvious that they would offer only meager protection from the cold.

Which was going to make things difficult for him when winter arrived. And that wasn't that far off.

Tears began to glisten in the child's eyes as he thought about the severity of his situation and, reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the watch that he had taken when he left the orphanage. To him it symbolized all that he had escaped when he'd fled that hell on earth and, as he gazed down at it, the boy took a deep breath.

The decision that he had made was going to make his life difficult but Allen was still certain that he had made the right decision.

This thought was interrupted by the growling of his stomach and Allen wrapped his thin arms around his waist.

"Food…"

Placing the watch back into the pocket of his trousers, Allen again glanced around at his surroundings. Dwelling on his pain wouldn't serve any purpose so the child decided to push it to the back of his mind and push forward.

There was a trail leading deeper into the forest and Allen chose to follow it, even though he had no idea where it led. He wanted to keep traveling away from the orphanage, on the off chance that someone from there came looking for him.

Not that he really thought this was a likely scenario.

They had all hated him so they probably celebrated when they found out that he had ran away.

"They won't come looking," Allen muttered, his gray eyes darting back and forth as he walked down the trail. He was on the alert for anything that might cause him harm but it seemed that he was completely alone in this place.

Part of him thought that this was a blessing but the other part, the part that was still a small child, was terrified to find himself so completely alone.

And on top of everything the lack of food, coupled together with the injuries that he had sustained, were taking there toll on the little boy. As he walked along the path he tripped over a tree root and stumbled.

Allen managed to regain his balance before he fell to the ground but the jarring motion made his back throb even more. The boy whimpered but kept himself from crying out by biting his bottom lip.

"It's going to get better," the little boy whispered to himself as he continued to walk. Part of him wanted to sit down and just give up but there was another part of him that refused to let him.

An inner voice that told him he had to keep going. That his wasn't the only life that would be lost if he gave up.

"_**You are important to this world little one so you can't give up so easily. Fight, both for your destiny and for those of the people who will perish along with you should you die."**_

"Fight," Allen repeated to himself as he forced himself to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Fight both for himself and for others. This was a completely foreign concept to the child, who had always been led to believe that the world was basically full of selfish and cruel people.

Why should he even consider the well being of other people? After all, no one had ever cared for him.

Not even his own parents.

The little boy walked along through the forest for a couple of hours, searching for anything that might be remotely edible. Unfortunately he didn't have any luck with his search and when he finally came to a peacefully flowing river the little boy collapsed beside it.

He was out of breath after the hours of walking and his legs felt as though they were made of rubber. No matter what he did Allen couldn't make his legs stop quivering.

Perhaps it was due to the lingering chill in the shaded forest or perhaps it was caused by exhaustion but either way his legs kept trembling.

Reaching out the child cupped his hands together and used them to scoop up some water. The water chilled his hands but Allen drank greedily, hoping that it might somehow fill the void in his stomach and ease the gnawing hunger.

Then, once he had drank his fill, Allen pulled himself to a sitting position. The little boy drew his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, placing his head on his knees.

"_**Fear not little one. I know that it seems bad right now but it won't always be this way. You are special. Just remember that."**_

Allen still wasn't sure whether he believed the words that were being whispered to him but he desperately wanted to believe that they were true.

That he was special and that his life wouldn't always be so hard.

Needing to escape from his current situation, if only for a brief time, the child withdrew into himself. Fled to the sanctuary in his mind where none of the hardships of life could reach him. Allen just wanted to rest but with the persistent gnawing at his stomach this was the only way that sleep was possible.

He had to retreat to his inner sanctum, where he could pretend that all was right with the world.

Because in his heart the child knew that things were about as far from right as it was possible for them to be. And that this fact didn't seem likely to change any time in the foreseeable future.

"But it's going to get better," he muttered before his eyes turned glassy and he allowed himself to completely retreat into his mind.

A small smile appeared on the little boy's face as he allowed his mind to wander to the safety that this inner world represented to him. He felt a sense of peace descended upon him, making him feel better if only for the moment.

He needed the escape and the safety that this inner world provided. Perhaps soon he would be able to cope with the circumstances but for now all he wanted was to rest.

A/N - I'm sorry that it took me so long to update this story. I had some difficulty and I'm still not satisfied with this chapter. But I hope that you enjoyed and thanks to everyone who have submitted reviews to this story. You guys are awesome!


	6. Survival

Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man

Chapter Six - Survival

Now having managed to find anything even remotely edible out in the forest Allen was forced to continue walking. The child didn't want to go back the way that he had came, because the orphanage was the only thing in that direction, so the little boy decided to go the other way.

Hopefully he would come across a town or something soon.

"So hungry," the little boy murmured as he walked along a lonely strip of road. Allen had absolutely no idea where he was going and at this poin the didn't really care. The only thing that he was concerned about was finding something to eat.

He could even ignore the throbbing of his wounds at this point. They were being completely overpowered by the ache in his stomach.

Not having eaten anything since the morning he left the orphanage Allen was growing weak and his steps were uncertain. He stumbled along the road, wishing desperately that he had something to eat.

But there was nothing in sight so the child was forced to continue walking, hoping that he would find a town before he succumbed to hunger.

Tears once again appeared in the corners of the child's stormy gray eyes but Allen steadfastly refused to allow them to fall. He was determined that there would be no more tears shed for things that couldn't be changed. Strengthening his resolve the small child once again pulled the watch from his pocket and gazed at it.

The symbol of his suffering and his determination not to go back to the life that he had escaped.

"_**Just keep walking little one… you'll find the one that you're meant to be with."**_

Allen thought about the words that he heard echoing in his mind but he didn't believe them. He wasn't destined to be with anyone; no one would ever want a deformed child. That had been proven time and time again during his time at the orphanage.

People normally chose to ignore him but when they did look at him their eyes were filled with disgust or, on rare occasions, fear.

"No one wants me…" he muttered.

But he continued walking none the less. He would go on because if he were to lay down and die it would almost be as though 'they' had won. And that was something that Allen absolutely refused to allow to happen.

And so he walked on.

Hours passed and then, when the child felt as though he could walk no further, he caught sight of a town in the distance. It wasn't exactly a large town but Allen was hopeful that he would be able to at least find something to eat.

That was his top priority; the only thing that he could think of.

Forcing his tired feet onward Allen began walking toward the town at a slightly faster pace. He still stumbled every so often but the sight of the town had renewed some of his energy.

And as he grew closer Allen picked up on the smell of freshly baked bread. This was a smell that he knew well, having experienced it often at the orphanage. Yet he had never been allowed any of the fresh bread; the stuff that he had been given was always stale.

Allen's mouth began to water but he was confronted with a problem when he realized that food would cost money that he didn't have.

"I don't have money," he whispered, his voice barely audible.

Having been fueled by the desire to get food Allen hadn't really put any thought into how exactly he was going to pay for it.

As he entered the town Allen thought about this dilemma. He had to get something to eat or else he was going to starve to death but he didn't have any money with which to pay.

"Hello little boy…"

Allen turned toward the sound of the voice that was calling out to him and saw a strange woman gazing down at him. Her voice was kind and this was something that Allen wasn't used to so it caught him by surprise.

And, because of his surprise, he forgot to shield his left arm from view.

Therefore, when he turned in her direction, the woman got a view of the child's red skin and she issued a blood curdling scream. "MONSTER!"

Allen jumped in surprise as he heard the woman's screech and instinctively dashed away before the woman had the chance to lash out at him. People tended to attempt to hurt him once they discovered his deformity, as though he had asked to be born this way.

Turning a corner the little boy ran into a man but didn't even look up at the man as he made a hasty retreat. The woman's blood curdling scream had frightened him and all thoughts of food were forgotten as he sought to escape.

After running down a couple of streets Allen ducked into an alley and sank to the ground to catch his breath. He would wait a few minutes before venturing out and this time he would make sure that his left hand was concealed.

Allen sighed as he fought to catch his breath. The lady had spoken kindly to him, the first kind words that he'd ever heard, but predictably had turned against him the moment that she caught sight of his arm.

Gazing down at the red appendage the child narrowed his gray eyes. If it wasn't for this stupid arm then his life would have been so different.

"_**You're special little one… and one day you're going to realize this."**_

Allen once again rolled his eyes as he heard the voice echoing through his head. Lies, it was all lies.

There was nothing special about him. He was just deformed and worthless.

The little boy crouched in the alley for about fifteen minutes but then the insistent growling of his stomach forced him to move. He was beginning to feel somewhat light headed and was determined to find something to eat this time.

Getting to his feet Allen shoved his left hand into the pocket of his trousers and stepped out of the alley. Gazing around Allen didn't see anything that was edible however he could still smell the delicious aroma of fresh bread.

And it was calling out to him.

Following the scent Allen made his way down the street and it wasn't long before the child found his way to a bakery. And standing outside was a man with a tray of fresh bread, which he was waving in front of the people who were passing in front of his shop.

Allen's mouth immediately began to water and he made his decision. He didn't want to steal but at this point it was either that or starve to death.

So the child slowly made his way toward the man, making every effort not to draw attention to himself. Fortunately the man who held the tray was focusing on the adults who were walking by and as a result didn't notice the little hand that was reaching out toward the bread.

Taking a deep breath Allen snatched a loaf of bread.

And that's when the man noticed him. With a curse the man reached a hand out to seize the child by the collar but Allen was too quick. Clutching the bread to his chest Allen took off down the street as fast as his skinny little legs could carry him.

"Come back here you little urchin!"

Allen didn't even pause to see if the man was giving chase, so intent was he upon escape. The child ran all the way back to the alley where he had hidden before and, after ducking around the corner, Allen made his way all the way to the back of the alley.

This is when he allowed his legs to give way and sank to the ground. His heart was absolutely pounding and only partly because of the fact that he'd just ran a fair distance.

The other part was because he had actually just stolen something.

"_**Don't worry about it little one… they deserved it anyway."**_

Allen once again listened to the words that were being spoken to him but he wasn't certain that they were right. The man hadn't done anything to him but that didn't meant that he wouldn't have.

It just meant that he hadn't gotten the chance.

But Allen still felt guilty over the theft and decided that he would attempt to find work. That way he would be able to earn enough money to feed himself.

Then he wouldn't be forced to steal.

With this thought in his mind Allen tore off a piece of the bread and shoved it into his mouth. It was still warm and was the most wonderful thing that the child had ever tasted. He probably would have savored it longer had he not be starving. But as it was he inhaled the entire loaf in under three minutes. And then, once he had finished his meal, Allen leaned against the wall and contemplated what he would have to do in order to survive on his own.

Survival.

That was his goal.

A/N - Here's another chapter, hope that you enjoyed. Please be kind and leave a review as you leave. They are always appreciated.


	7. Making A Living

Disclaimer - I do not own DGM

Chapter Seven - Making a Living

After the first theft, which Allen had been forced to do in order to survive, the boy had vowed to do everything in his power to make an honest living. He didn't like the thoughts of taking things from others but on the other hand, he had to eat in order to survive. Hopefully this dilemma would be solved by finding work.

Not that Allen really expected for it to be easy for a child his age to find a job of any kind. But he was determined to at least make the effort.

So the child set out, looking for anyone who could be convinced to hire a child his age. And a deformed child no less.

Unfortunately the search did not start out so well. A couple of people acted like they might humor the child with some sort of small job but those offers were quickly withdrawn whenever the people got a glimpse of his left arm.

Allen was now covered in bruises due to the fact that people felt the need to strike out at him when they saw his arm. As though he could do something about the way he looked. He hadn't asked for the deformity and he sure as hell didn't want it.

Why couldn't people see that?

They were always so quick to deem him a monster the moment they caught sight of his hand, judging him solely on his appearance. He was different from them and therefore must pose a threat.

And they seemed to think that this gave them the right to hurt him. The child was covered in bruises and more than likely would have suffered more were he not so good at dodging.

His reflexes were honed from dodging the attacks of the other children at the orphanage.

The rest of the day progressed in much the same manner and, by the end of it, the small child was sore and completely covered in bruises. He didn't understand why so many people wanted to hurt him but he vowed that he would never trust anyone ever again.

All people did was cause him pain and he had already endured enough of that in his relatively short lifetime.

The sun was beginning to sink below the horizon and the people on the streets were beginning to retreat to the warmth and comfort of their houses. Allen knew that he wouldn't be finding work on this particular day and, with a resigned sigh, he gave up.

Tears formed in Allen's gray eyes as he once again wandered back to the alley where he had spent the night. It wasn't exactly comfortable but what other choice did he have? No one would take him in, owing to his deformity, and this was the most sheltered place that he could find.

Here at least he felt a measure of security. He was out of sight of the people who would cause him harm and people weren't likely to venture far enough into the alley to see him.

With a sigh Allen sank to the ground, once more finding himself wondering why life had to be so unfair. He couldn't recall anything that he'd done to deserve the treatment that he received at the hands of others and yet here he was, sitting alone in an alley covered in bruises and with nothing to eat.

"_**Fear not little one… It'll all be better soon. You just have to keep moving forward for a little while longer."**_

For the first time Allen found himself wishing that this strange voice would just leave him alone. It wasn't going to get better and there was no point in holding out hope for something that wasn't going to happen. It would only make him feel worse in the end.

Shoving at some of the trash that littered the alley, Allen slowly curled into a ball. He was desperate to sink into a dreamless sleep; the only way he knew of to escape the torment.

* * *

Allen was awakened the next morning by vicious pains in his stomach. He hadn't had anything to eat the day before, having failed to find anyone who would give him work, and the little boy was miserable. He didn't really feel like making another attempt at finding work but the pain in his stomach forced him to get up and get moving.

He had to have food and for that he either had to have money to buy it with or else he had to steal it. And despite the fact that the second of the two options would be easier Allen didn't want to resort to that again if he could avoid it.

So the brown haired youth staggered to his feet and left the alley where he had spent the night. Moving out into the throng of people who were walking along the streets, Allen shoved his left hand into his pocket and attempted to fade into obscurity.

He was hoping that people would ignore his presence and thus leave him alone. He didn't want to talk to these people, afraid of what they would do to him should they discover his deformity.

His gray eyes were downcast as he walked along the street however he lifted his gaze slightly as he caught sight of a flash of white dash by. Allen's gaze followed the blur and a small smile crept across his face as he saw that the blur was in fact a small brown and white dog.

Having once nursed a stray kitten back to health Allen felt himself drawn to the dog. Animals were far more accepting than people and the child had a soft spot for them.

They didn't judge.

Still making every effort not to make eye contact with any of the people that he passed on the street Allen began to follow along behind the little dog.

"_**That's it little one…"**_

The dog quickly made it's way across town and Allen had to run in order to keep up. Unfortunately he wasn't quick enough and he eventually lost sight of the dog.

When he realized that he could no longer see the little dog that he had been following Allen came to a stop, debating what he should do next. He was far across town now and wasn't entirely sure if he would be able to find his way back to the alley that he had been calling home.

"_**Just keep moving forward…"**_

This little nudge was seemingly all that Allen needed in order to come to a decision. He had been debating a course of action and now he had decided upon one.

His stormy gray eyes were focused forward.

The road ahead seemed to lead out of town but Allen decided to follow it for a little while, just to see exactly where it led. It seemed to be well traveled which made the child curious.

Where would this road take him?

As Allen walked along the child soon became aware of a great deal of noise coming from somewhere beyond his field of vision. Quickening his pace Allen half ran down the road and his gray eyes widened as he rounded a corner and saw a sprawling expanse of tents and wagons.

It was a circus.

Now of course Allen had never been to a circus but he had seen the colorful posters that were plastered on buildings whenever the circus came to town. This one seemed like a huge circus to Allen and the child found himself inexplicably drawn toward it.

Almost as though something were pushing him to move onward.

"Maybe I can find work here," Allen thought to himself, taking the first step toward the circus grounds.

It wasn't exactly hope that led the child forward at that point; he had long since given up on that particular feeling. Experience had taught him that hope only led to disappointment. His life was a never ending series of pain but for some reason he was drawn to the circus. Perhaps it was curiosity or perhaps something impossible to explain.

But that inner voice was telling him to move forward and take a chance and for once Allen decided to listen to it. It wasn't as if his life could really get any worse at this point so in his eyes there wasn't anything to lose.

But perhaps there was something to be gained.

A/N - Hope that you enjoyed this chapter, please leave a review and tell me what you thought. And thank you to everyone who has reviewed thus far; you're all wonderful!


	8. A Job

Disclaimer - I do not own DGM

Chapter Eight - A Job

As Allen made his way across the circus grounds his wary gaze swept around to all of the various people who were walking around. Everyone seemed very busy and the child thought that this was a good thing since it meant that no one was paying any attention to him.

People tended to cause him pain when they noticed him and Allen had learned early on that not being noticed was far better in the long run.

Unfortunately he knew that this couldn't last. He had to try to find work and was hopeful that someone in this circus would give him a job. After all, he needed money so that he could buy food since he didn't like stealing in order to survive.

So the little boy made his way across the circus grounds, his gaze shifting back and forth as he surveyed the various people who were going about their business. It appeared that the circus was just setting up and Allen felt a small flicker of hope.

Maybe, just maybe, he would be able to find a job with this group. After all, he could tell just by looking around that these people weren't normal so perhaps they would accept him more than anyone else ever had.

Hope was almost a foreign concept for the little boy but there was this small sliver as he made his way further into the circus. Seeing the colorful people that he passed made Allen think that perhaps this place wouldn't be so bad.

But of course, as so often had been the case throughout his short life, Allen was woefully wrong in this assumption.

"You there… boy!"

Allen's gaze shifted toward the sound of this harsh voice whom he knew, without really knowing how he knew, was talking to him. His gaze fell upon a rather harsh looking man dressed in a flashy red coat and a black top hat.

"Yes sir," Allen mumbled, his voice quiet and slightly hoarse due to lack of use. He hadn't had occasion to use it in so long that he had almost forgotten how.

"What the devil are you doing here?" the man demanded, glaring down at the child through cold blue eyes.

"I… I was hoping that you could give me a job," Allen whispered, keeping his fingers crossed and his left arm hidden from sight. He wasn't being dishonest, he told himself as he shoved his hand further into his pocket. He simply wasn't advertising the fact that there was something terribly wrong with his arm.

"I got no use for a runt like you," the man snarled, turning away from the child.

It was obvious by the motion that the conversation was over however Allen wasn't ready to give up. The child desperately wanted to find some honest work so that he could buy something to eat.

Something that he didn't have to steal.

"I can work hard," Allen spoke up, a slight hint of defiance in his voice.

The man in the red coat turned around and glared at the brown haired brat who was staring up at him. He opened his mouth to tell the kid to beat it but then abruptly changed his mind. "Alright then. But if you don't earn your keep then it's back to the streets for you. You got that boy?"

"I got it," Allen said, feeling some of the fear that he had always felt receding. He was finally coming to accept that everyone in the world was cruel and the only thing debatable in the situation was exactly how cruel they were.

And Allen was tired of cowering.

It was time to stand up to people. After all, if he were going to be beaten up anyway then the boy would much rather have done something to earn the anger that seemed to always be directed at him.

"Let's go boy," the man in the red coat said, his voice harsh as he snapped at the child. "And I'll find something for you to do."

Without so much as a word Allen fell into step behind the man, his right hand clenched into a fist. This wasn't an ideal situation and Allen realized this fact but he had managed to find work and would make the best of the situation.

No matter what happened he would make his way in the world, with or without the help of others.

And without seemed the more likely of the two.

"I don't need anyone," Allen thought to himself bitterly as he followed along behind his new employer.

And yet the child couldn't help but recall all of those times at the orphanage when he had stood at the window and watched as one of the other children were taken home by their new families. Even then he had wondered why it couldn't have been him, had wondered why he had been born so wrong that no one could ever love him.

Was God really that cruel?

The people who had ran the orphanage had forced all of the children to attend church services every Sunday, Allen included, and yet the boy wasn't exactly certain how he felt about the idea of a higher power. He wanted to believe, desperately wanted to believe that there was someone out there who loved them all but it was hard to believe when your life was filled with nothing but suffering.

And yet Allen couldn't say that he didn't believe.

These thoughts were interrupted when he and the man in red arrived at a large tent. The man pulled the tent flap aside and entered, followed a short distance behind by Allen. It became immediately evident that this was the tent that housed the food and Allen's mouth began to water as the smells of various foods reached his nostrils.

"I brought you guys an assistant," the man in red spoke up, addressing the cooks. "Do with him as you please. And if he doesn't work hard then throw him out."

And without so much as another word the man turned and strode out of the tent.

Allen didn't like his new employer but vowed that he would work hard and earn his place in this circus. He would do whatever he was told and make the best of the situation.

"You there," one woman said, her voice just as harsh as the man's had been. "Get over there and peel those potatoes."

Allen nodded and silently walked over to the bucket of potatoes that had been pointed out to him. Grabbing a knife the boy began to peel and it was in this moment that the woman noticed his left hand.

She screamed and ran over to the child, smacking the potato out of his hand and glaring at him as though he had committed some horrible crime.

Knowing the look and that it signaled trouble Allen jumped to his feet and moved as far away from the angry woman as he could get. He stared at the woman from his spot against the tent wall, waiting to see what she would do now that she had learned of his deformity. There was a trace of fear in his gray eyes but this was overshadowed by the look of defiance that had appeared there.

He was determined not to show his fear to those who would cause him pain. Allen knew that he wasn't the same person who had left the orphanage and he wanted to make sure that his eyes spoke of the change that he had undergone.

"Can't have you touching the food," the woman snarled, as though the child's condition was something contagious. "Take that bucket over there and go to the river for water. Now!"

Making sure to keep a safe distance between himself and the woman, Allen grabbed the bucket that she had indicated and hurried from the tent. The child's heart was still pounding and he found it hard to believe that he still had a job. It was obvious that the woman was disgusted by his arm but she was still allowing him to work.

Maybe it really would be different this time.

Not that Allen was going to hold his breath. Things never turned out good for him and there was no reason for the child to think that things would be different this time around.

"They're all the same," the boy muttered to himself as he made his way across the circus grounds.

This was a fact of life that had been beaten into him and Allen vowed to remember this hard learned lesson.

No one could be trusted.

They were all the same.

A/N - Hope that you enjoyed this chapter, please leave a review and tell me what you thought.


	9. Circus Life

Disclaimer - I do not own DGM

Chapter Nine - Circus Life

Despite the fact that he seemed to be just as despised here as he had been at the orphanage Allen continued to work at the circus. The child did the various odd jobs that he was assigned, at the same time making it a point to keep away from others as much as possible. He had received one of two reactions from everyone that he had come across. The first and most common was anger and the second was fear.

Everyone that he came into contact with either seemed to loathe his existence or else they were afraid of him.

"It's the same here as it was there," Allen thought to himself as he went about his assigned tasks. He didn't know why he had thought that things would be different when he left the orphanage.

Tears glistened in the boy's gray eyes but he refused to allow any of them to fall. He had vowed when he left the orphanage that he wouldn't allow himself to shed any more tears for things that couldn't be changed.

The world was the way that it was and there was nothing that Allen could do to change it.

So he resigned himself to the unfair fate that seemed to be his destiny. And with this resignation a dull appearance came to the boy's gray eyes.

They were the eyes of someone who had been completely defeated by the world. Allen had all but given up on finding happiness and was now merely intent upon existing.

The child was carrying water from a nearby river to the tent that housed the cooks when he heard the sound of a dog barking. Turning the boy's searching gaze fell upon a small brown and white dog. The dog was gazing up at him, wagging his stump of a tail.

Placing the bucket of water down on the ground Allen approached the little dog. He was cautious, having known only cruelty in his life, but approached none the less. Kneeling Allen held out his left hand, anxious to get the rejection over with.

Because everyone rejected him.

Everyone.

The dog took a couple of steps forward, sniffing the hand that the boy was holding out to him. Then, after only a couple of seconds, the dog opened his mouth and licked the boy's fingers.

Allen's eyes widened in surprise, completely shocked. The dog's tongue felt warm on his slightly chilled hand and the boy felt a smile spread across his face. Which was a completely foreign feeling to the child.

Reaching out with his right hand Allen gently rubbed the fur on the top of the dog's head. The small creature's fur was soft and Allen felt the smile on his face widen further.

Allen stroked the dog's fur for a couple of minutes before the little creature suddenly dashed off. The child gazed off in the direction that the dog had taken, a longing expressing in his gray eyes.

The little dog was the first creature to actually show him kindness and Allen was sad to see him go. But of course he was used to these feelings and, with a sigh, the child picked up the bucket of water. His employers would be irritated if he delayed his return any longer.

And that wasn't something that Allen wanted to face.

The people at the circus ignored him for the most part but whenever he angered them; the child shuddered at the thought and absently rubbed his arm. The bruises would fade in time but the memories, those were more difficult to get rid of.

"It's about time you got back you little retch," the woman in charge snapped the minute that Allen entered the tent. The boy flinched at the harsh words but didn't say anything. Because it was his experience that speaking only made things worse.

Allen placed the bucket of water down on the ground and quickly stepped back. His gaze was downcast as he waited for the woman to give him another order.

"Get to work taking those trays of food to the performers," the woman snapped, her tone harsh.

Without so much as a word Allen grabbed one of the trays and quickly left the tent. This was a familiar task, as well as one of the least pleasant ones. None of the performers could stand him, which made delivering their meals a particularly unpleasant task.

But it was his job and he would do it.

The work was hard, the hours long, and the pay lousy but at least it was something. And it was keeping him off the streets so Allen forced himself to deal with it.

* * *

Allen spent the next hour carrying trays of food to the caravans that housed the circus performers. Due to the partial paralysis of his left hand the child could only carry one tray at a time so the job was time consuming.

The child finally managed to get to the last caravan in the circus lot. He was completely exhausted by this point and just wanted the day to be over. Allen had been working non stop since before sun up and it was now approaching dusk. His stomach was protesting the length of time since his last meal and Allen found his thoughts going to food. Which only made him want to finish this job all the more because as soon as he was done delivering food he would be allowed to eat himself.

Walking forward the little boy took a deep breath, preparing himself for whatever was to come.

When Allen reached the caravan he knocked on the door and then stepped back, out of reach. A couple of minutes passed and then the door opened to reveal a man with dark hair and eyes.

"Hello," the man said as his gaze shifted down and fell upon the child. His voice seemed kind but Allen wasn't fooled. And he had no intention of giving this man the opportunity to cause him pain.

"Here," Allen said, holding up the tray of food. He stepped just close enough so that the man could take the tray that he was offering. Then, the moment that it was out of his hands, the boy turned and dashed off.

"Strange lad," the man muttered as he gazed down at the tray that the little boy had delivered.

After delivering the last of the trays Allen made his way back to the cook's tent. His work was finished for the day, which meant that he would be given his small ration of food. It was never much but it was better than nothing.

"Here," the cook snarled, shoving a loaf of bread into the child's arms. "Now get out. I don't want to see your face again until tomorrow."

Clutching the bread in his hand Allen turned and fled the tent. The harsh words of his employer rang in his ear but the child did his best to ignore them. Making his way to one of the storage trailers Allen sat down and began to eat.

The bread was stale of course but Allen was so hungry that it didn't matter. Using his teeth he pulled off a large piece of the bread. The child devoured the bread in a matter of minutes and then got to his feet. He was thirsty now and with this thought in mind Allen made his way to the river where he often went to retrieve water.

Sinking to his knees Allen used his hand to scoop up some water. The water was ice cold and felt good sliding down Allen's parched throat.

Having quenched his thirst Allen briefly debated his next course of action. He didn't really want to go back to the circus so the child decided to stay at the river for a little while longer.

After all, it was peaceful there.

Sitting down on the bank of the river Allen's thoughts shifted back to the little dog. He recalled how the dog had licked his hand, the deformed hand that people couldn't even look at without flinching. The dog had been completely unaffected by it.

Which brought a small smile to Allen's face. He had finally found someone who accepted him for who he was. It was true that this someone was a dog but that didn't matter to Allen.

He had made a friend.

A/N - Hope that you enjoyed this chapter, please be kind enough to leave a review. And thank you to everyone who is reading and enjoys this story. You guys are all awesome!


	10. Cosimo

Disclaimer - I do not own DGM

Chapter Ten - Cosimo

The circus grounds were alive with activity. Of course it was always busy, with performers and workers coming and going, but at this particular moment it was twice as busy as it normally was. Everyone was preparing for that night's performance.

And the time for preparation was running short.

It was nearing performance time, which was one of Allen's favorite times. And it had absolutely nothing to do with the actual show. During the performance everyone, both performers and non performers, were focused on the show. Which meant that they left Allen alone.

The boy could roam around the circus grounds without fear of anyone accosting him. This was a rare treat and one that the child thoroughly enjoyed.

The patrons of the circus were already filing in to the large tent. Laughing children, along with their parents, made their way toward the tent where the show would be held.

Allen briefly glanced at the arriving crowd before turning and walking away from the tent. He didn't want to be anywhere near the happy people or the performers.

All he wanted was to be alone, somewhere where no one would hurt him.

The sounds of the music and the crowds drifted from the large tent but Allen ignored it. He had slipped inside to watch the first performance after his arrival at the circus; and promptly decided that he didn't it.

Especially the clowns.

There was just something about those strangely dressed people that Allen took an instant dislike to.

So after that Allen made it a point to ignore the shows, as well as the people who came to watch. He glared as he watched them all file in, the happy people coming to watch the performance. It was all a lie anyway. There was no such thing as true happiness in the world.

* * *

Allen was walking across the circus grounds, lost in thought, when he suddenly felt a hand clasp around his arm. Whirling around the boy frantically tried to pull his arm free from the grasp of the man who had seized him.

"You little brat," the man snarled, glaring down at the child who's arm he held. He had never liked this brat and couldn't figure out why he was still allowed to hang around. As far as he was concerned the brat was only useful as a punching bag, a thought that brought a sadistic gleam to his eyes. Releasing his grip on the kid's arm Cosimo raised his hand and struck the child across the face, knocking Allen to the ground.

Allen felt a trail of blood begin to flow from his lip but he didn't cry out. He merely turned and gazed up at his attacker, a defiant look in his gray eyes. Reaching up he wiped the blood from his face, wiping it on the ragged pair of trousers that he wore. This wasn't the first time that he had been attacked by this particular man. His name was Cosimo and he never passed up an opportunity to lash out at the child. He was an incredibly untalented person and he seemed to enjoy taking out his frustrations on others.

Especially Allen.

The little boy made a move to get up off the ground, fully intending to run from this cruel man. Unfortunately Cosimo anticipated the action and kicked the child in the ribs. Which effectively put an end to his attempts at escape.

Gasping, Allen fell back to the ground.

"You little bastard…" Cosimo glared at the child as he once again gave him a hard kick. His performance hadn't gone so well and he needed to take out some frustrations; and this brat was a convenient outlet for his rage.

For his part Allen refused to show any obvious signs of pain. While he couldn't keep himself from gasping slightly as the blows rained down upon him that was the only sound that he made. Which only seemed to further enrage Cosimo.

After a few minutes the man turned and stalked away, leaving Allen lying on the ground.

Allen remained in that position for a few minutes, somewhat afraid to move. He kept looking around, expecting Cosimo to come back and inflict further pain on him. But, when that didn't happen, the kid got slowly to his feet.

Allen gazed around warily for a few minutes before making his way to the moldy old caravan where he slept. This particular caravan was only used for transporting various things when the circus moved which meant that it wasn't exactly the ideal living quarters. But it was the best that Allen could find.

And at least this way people left him alone.

The boy was bruised, due to his little encounter with Cosimo, and all he wanted to do was to lie down. The performers would all retire to their trailers after the show which meant that Allen wouldn't be required to do anything until the next day. For which Allen was grateful.

Climbing into the dingy old caravan the child made his way to the back of the trailer. He had managed to swipe an old horse blanket, which he used as a makeshift bed. It wasn't great by any means but Allen was well aware of the fact that it could be worse.

Because in the past it had been.

"Stupid jerk," Allen muttered to himself as he lowered his battered body down onto the blanket.

This was the last of many altercations that he'd had with Cosimo and the worst by far. Something had definitely set off the man's violent temper and Allen once again found himself wishing that he were big enough to do something about it. He had been with this circus for a couple of weeks Allen had learned that Cosimo had no talent except for bullying other people.

"I hate people like him," Allen thought to himself bitterly.

Allen had a great deal of experience with people like Cosimo and he knew that they were all alike. They had no talent except for tormenting other people. Having been a victim of many like him in the past Allen was well aware of his personality flaws.

And, although it angered him, the boy realized that there really wasn't anything that he could do about it.

At least not yet.

"One day," the boy thought to himself, placing his right arm beneath his head to use as a makeshift pillow. Gazing out into the darkness Allen thought about what things would be like when he was older; about how they would be when he could actually defend himself from the harshness of the world.

As he fell into an uneasy sleep the child thought about this. Perhaps there really was a small shard of light at the end of the seemingly endless darkness.

Maybe things really would get better.

"_**Just hang in there a little bit longer… you've almost made it little one."**_

"Almost made it where?" Allen mumbled to himself as he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Allen awoke early the next morning and found that his muscles were extremely sore. The child knew from experience that he would be covered in bruises but quickly shrugged it off.

Getting to his feet he prepared to make his way to the cook's tent. He would be expected there in time to deliver breakfast trays to the performers and didn't want to be late.

Because that would result in yet more bruises.

Leaving the caravan the child made his way across the circus grounds. And as he walked Allen's gaze idly shifted around his surroundings. Everything seemed ordinary until the boy's gaze fell upon the sight of a clown kneeling beside his caravan.

There appeared to be something on the ground in front of the man and despite himself Allen found that his curiosity had been aroused.

"What's he doing?" Allen thought to himself, his head tilted slightly to the side as he gazed over at the strange sight.

Allen knew that he should just ignore the clown and get to work but for some reason he was drawn by curiosity. He wanted to know what the man was staring at and, since he couldn't see it from his current location, that meant that he had to go closer.

The child was wary but in the end decided to allow curiosity to win out. Taking a deep breath he made his way over to the spot where the clown was kneeling.

A/N - End of another chapter, hope that you enjoyed. Please be kind enough to leave a review and tell me what you thought.


	11. Stupid Clown

Disclaimer - I do not own DGM

Chapter Eleven - Stupid Clown

Allen was cautious as he made his way over to the spot where the clown was kneeling. Despite himself he was curious as to what the man was doing and wanted to get a closer look. But experience had taught him not to get within striking distance, so he stopped his approach a few feet away.

The clown was gazing at the ground and Allen's gaze followed his. That was when the child realized what the man was staring at and felt his stomach lurch.

Lying on the ground, looking much the worse for ware, was the little dog. The first creature that had ever shown him even a modicum of kindness was lying in a hole in the ground. Allen felt the sting of tears come to his eyes but refused to allow them to fall. So, in an effort to keep the tears at bay, the child shifted his gaze to the clown. Kneeling down he spoke, his voice gruff due to lack of use. "Is it dead?"

The man's gaze shifted to Allen and the boy reflexively shrank away. Perhaps it had been a bad move on his part to speak.

"He's dead."

Allen picked up the hint of something in the man's voice but couldn't quite identify what it was. But he knew that it wasn't anger; that particular emotion he could spot instantly. The boy gazed at the clown briefly out of the corner of his eye before his gaze shifted back to the dog. There was some obvious bruising showing through the dog's white fur and Allen felt certain that he knew what had happened to the dog. The poor little creature had been the unfortunate victim of the same man who had caused his own bruising.

"He's all covered in bruises…" There was a hint of bitterness in the boy's voice as he gazed at the dog's body. "I bet it was that jerk Cosimo that did it. He has no talent except for doing things like this."

He couldn't tell if the clown heard his words or not; the man didn't even look in his direction as he covered the dog's body with dirt. Then, once that task was complete, he placed a ball on the mound of dirt that now covered the dog.

"He was an old dog," the man said as he continued to gaze down at the small grave. It was tragic that the dog was now dead but that was the way of life. "He probably wouldn't have lasted much longer any way."

Allen couldn't believe that the man didn't even seem upset over the dog's death. He had seen the two of them together on several occasions and knew that they performed together. Although why he was shocked he wasn't certain. After all, he was well aware of the fact that people were cruel and heartless.

So why should the clown care that the dog was dead?

"So you're not even gonna get revenge?" the note of bitterness was still in the child's voice. Allen wasn't sure why he felt so angered over the situation but he couldn't get rid of the feelings.

The clown shook his head. "No. I'm a newcomer here after all. And if I pick a fight with Cosimo then I'll get thrown out without getting paid. Besides, after Christmas tomorrow, I'll be moving on to a different place."

Allen scoffed at the man's words. Typical.

The clown's gaze shifted from the dog's grave to the boy. Allen could feel the man's gaze on him and it made him decidedly uncomfortable. "You're all beat up too. Did Cosimo do this to you? Is that why you suspected him of killing the dog?"

"Shut up!" Allen wasn't sure why but he didn't want to talk to the clown about what had happened to him. And it wasn't as though the man really cared; he was probably just asking out of morbid curiosity.

The man continued to gaze at the child for a few seconds longer before he stuck his fingers in his mouth and then rubbed at a spot of dirt on the boy's face. It wasn't really a conscious thought on the part of the clown but it served to thoroughly disgust the child. As well as to anger him enough to actually snap at the man, seemingly forgetting that the man was five times his size. "Ugh! Get your damn spit off me!"

"It's disinfectant," the man said, his gaze firmly locked on the boy. "Don't you have any friends?"

Suddenly angry about the questions Allen snapped, "Shut up!" This man didn't care about him so why the hell was he acting like he did?

No one cared.

"I don't need any friends! As soon as I'm big enough I'm getting the hell out of here!" The boy's gray eyes were narrowed in anger as he glared at the clown.

"I see."

Both clown and boy were silent for awhile, each lost in their own thoughts. Allen's thoughts had wandered back to the dog and, after a while, he spoke again. "What was his name?" This little creature had been his sole friend in a cruel world and yet he realized that he hadn't even known it's name. "He licked my hand. His tongue was warm and…"

At this point tears once again appeared in Allen's stormy eyes. He hated to cry and had vowed that he never would again. And yet, for some reason, he couldn't stop the flow of hot tears that now coursed down his face. "That was all it was so why… why am I crying over him?"

The clown didn't verbally reply to Allen's questions but instead gazed intently at the child. Not that Allen had really been expecting an answer. In all honesty he was shocked that the man had tolerated his presence for so long.

It had to be some kind of record.

And Allen had noticed the clown's gaze focused on his left hand, which he had made no attempt to hide. And yet the man hadn't so much as commented on the deformity.

This clown was definitely not normal.

"So who are you anyway kid?"

Allen gazed at the man and rolled his eyes. A scowl appeared on his face. "My name's Allen. I do odd jobs around here. I've brought you food before."

This was something that the child had never encountered. He'd been shouted at, hit and threatened but this had to be the first time that anyone had ever forgotten about him. He recognized the clown but it was obvious that the man didn't recall him.

Strange.

"Oh." There was no apology in the man's voice but there was no malice there either. Which had to be a first for Allen. Normally people had anger in the voices as they spoke to him.

But not this clown.

"I'm leaving tomorrow," the man said, his gaze focused on the child. "How would you like to come with me and be my new assistant?"

Allen scowled at the man. "You want me to replace your dog?"

The clown shrugged. "Sure… why not?"

"I'm not gonna replace your dog." Allen had been taken completely surprised by this question. But now that some of the shock had worn off the child found himself wondering just what the clown was planning.

"Come on," the clown said, making a couple of faces. "It could be fun."

"Stop that!" Allen snapped, irritation appearing in his gray eyes. He had seen the clowns act this way for their performances and had never been a fan. "I've never really cared much for clowns. In fact, I hate 'em."

The man seemed completely unconcerned by the boy's harsh words. "Well I hate crowds and children who don't laugh."

"Hmmm." Allen's mind was working over time as he thought about the clown's earlier words. He was still wary about the man's intent but a second thought had came to mind. It would be hard for things to be worse than they were now. "So you're really going somewhere else tomorrow?"

The man nodded.

"And you're really willing to take me with you?" The wariness was still contained in the child's voice but there was also something else. A new and completely foreign feeling.

It was hope.

"I would enjoy the company," the clown said.

Allen thought about the situation for a moment longer before reaching a decision. "Okay. Anywhere's gotta be better than here."

"Right," the clown said, nodding his head. "My name's Mana Walker by the way."

Allen nodded, to show the man that he had heard. He couldn't explain what had possessed him to agree to accompany the man but the decision had been made.

Now all he could do was hope for the best.

Hope… a completely foreign concept to the child.

**_"Well done little one…"_**

A/N - and Allen has finally met Mana! The scene is slightly different than the manga cause I didn't want to copy it completely. It was on purpose. Hope that you enjoyed, please leave a review and tell me what you thought.


	12. Journey Begins

Disclaimer - I do not own DGM

Chapter Twelve - Journey Begins

The sun hadn't even risen yet when Allen left the moldy old caravan that had been serving as his makeshift home during the time that he had spent with the circus. The child gazed around the darkened circus grounds for a few seconds before he set out. This was the last time that he would see the grounds but Allen found that he didn't really care that he was leaving. It wasn't as though he had any fond memories to attach to this place.

A picture of the little dog flashed through the child's mind and he once again felt the tears well up in his eyes. The little creature had been the first friend that he had ever made. And even though he hadn't had very much interaction with the little dog he still felt the loss. Perhaps even more than the clown that had actually owned the dog. At the very least Allen had shown more emotion than the man had.

Allen tried to keep his emotions in check and under control as he made his way to the edge of the grounds. He was almost hopeful but was desperately trying to get rid of those feelings.

Because he had been traumatized in the past and didn't want to repeat it.

The child quickly made his way to the designated area, where he stood shivering. It was really cold out and Allen's clothes were far from adequate for the weather.

As he stood out in the frosty morning air Allen began to wonder if the man named Mana was going to show. It was cold and his fingers were numb but he remained firmly routed to his spot. The clown had told the child to meet him at the edge of the circus grounds and so there he stood.

Waiting.

However as of yet the clown had yet to make an appearance and Allen was beginning to fear that he wouldn't. In retrospect he really should have anticipated this turn of events. No one could be trusted so why had he thought that the stupid clown was any different than the rest?

"What's with that face?"

Allen whirled at the sound of the voice that was calling out from behind him. His gray eyes widened in surprise as he watched the clown walk toward the spot where he was standing. Of course he didn't look like the stupid clown that Allen was familiar with at the moment.

Instead of the normal costume that he wore for performances the dark haired man was dressed in a traveling suit. He was carrying an extremely large suitcase, which he placed on the ground as he came to stand beside Allen.

Somewhat surprised that Mana had actually kept his word all the child could do was stare for a moment. He gazed up at the man, a mixture of emotions playing out across his stormy gray eyes.

"Come on," Mana said, gazing down at the child briefly before he picked up his suitcase. "We should get a move on."

And, without so much as another word, Mana picked up the suitcase and began walking away from the circus. A couple of minutes passed and then Allen quickly dashed after the clown. He still wasn't certain what the man's true motives were but stood by the decision to follow him.

Because it really did have to be better than what he was currently dealing with.

When he caught up to the clown Allen fell into step behind the man, still remaining far enough back to be out of reach. After all he still didn't entirely trust this clown who had offered him a job.

Experience had taught him well that people lied.

So far the clown named Mana hadn't acted like any of the other people that Allen had known in his life. But he was fairly certain that it wouldn't be long before the man showed his true colors.

But if it meant getting away from the people who tormented him at the circus then Allen was willing to cope. After all he'd been coping with one thing or another for as long as he could remember. This was just one more thing that he had to deal with.

"So Allen…"

The boy's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Mana's voice and his gaze shifted to the clown. The man was facing away from him so Allen focused his gaze on Mana's back and waited for him to speak.

"How exactly did you end up at the circus?"

Allen thought about the question for a few minutes, slightly surprised. He didn't know why Mana was asking the question; it wasn't as though he could possibly care. And there was also the fact that there wasn't a simple answer to the question.

The boy thought back to the voice that had urged him onward; thought back to the little dog that he had followed to the circus grounds.

It was almost as though he had been summoned there by some other worldly force. The dog, it turned out, had belonged to Mana. And as for the voice, Allen still wasn't sure what was up with that.

For that matter the child wasn't convinced that he hadn't imagined the whole thing.

"Hello?" Mana called out, wondering why the little boy hadn't answered his question. It shouldn't require this level of thought. "Aren't you going to answer me kid?"

"I just showed up there okay?!" Allen snapped.

"Okay," Mana said, not having realized that his questions would anger the child to such a degree.

After Allen's little outburst the two lapsed back into silence. The child's thoughts were focused on what had actually brought him to that circus. While Mana's thoughts were focused on how he could help this damaged child recover from the horrors that fate had thrust upon him.

By the time the sun began to rise above the horizon the two unusual travelers had already traveled a substantial distance. Their pace was moderate but Allen was none the less beginning to find it difficult to keep up. The stupid clown could take much larger steps than he could and the child found himself falling behind.

Fearing that if he fell behind the man might actually leave him alone there Allen fought to keep up. But his legs were growing tired and his lungs were burning due to his efforts to breathe in the frigid morning air.

"He's gonna leave me," the child thought to himself as he fell farther and farther behind. He was trying his best to keep up but the clown's pace was just too much. Tears formed in his gray eyes as he stared at the man's back but he steadfastly refused to allow them to fall.

As he listened to the child's labored breathing Mana picked up on the fact that the little boy was falling behind. He felt sorry for the kid and, after awhile, made a decision. Halting his forward progress he turned and gazed at the child over his shoulder. "Are you tired Allen?"

"No!"

The boy kept walking, a defiant look appearing in his eyes. As he came close he gazed up into the face of the clown and saw…

The look in the man's eyes was unlike anything that Allen had ever experienced. He couldn't identify it, no matter how hard he tried.

Shaking his head at the child Mana knelt down on the ground. "Hop on and I'll give you a ride."

Allen came to an abrupt halt, staring at the clown as though at a loss for words. Was the man serious?

Scowling Allen shook his head. "I don't need help."

"Just accept the ride already," Mana said, rolling his eyes in the defiant young boy's direction. He knew that Allen found it difficult to trust people but he was finding it difficult to travel at his normal pace with the kid in tow. This arrangement would benefit them both if only Allen would just accept the help that he was offering.

Allen continued to stare for a few moments longer before he finally moved forward. Taking a deep breath the child hopped onto Mana's back.

"That's more like it," Mana said, wrapping his arms around the child's legs and picking up his suitcase. "Hold on."

Allen reluctantly wrapped his arms around Mana, his eyes widening slightly as the clown began to walk. This was an awkward position and yet Allen couldn't deny that there was a small part of him that enjoyed the physical contact.

Was this what it was like to have a parent?

During his time in the orphanage he had always wondered what it would be like to have someone who cared about him. Someone who accepted him for who he was.

Maybe he had finally found someone who wouldn't hurt him because of something that he couldn't do anything about.

With this thought in mind Allen absently placed his head on the man's shoulders. And, before long, he was asleep.

A/N - End of another chapter, hope that you enjoyed. Please be kind enough to leave a review and tell me what you thought.


	13. Not Like the Others

Disclaimer - I do not own DGM

Chapter Thirteen - Not Like the Others

Allen had been trailing along behind the clown for the better part of the day. It was true that he had taken a somewhat brief nap but that was something that the boy was trying very hard not to think about. Because it set off a barrage of emotions that he wasn't prepared to deal with.

A blush rose to color the little boy's face as he thought back to the piggy-back ride. It had been an unusual offer and Allen was still unsure what the clown's motives were.

But the one thing that he was sure about was the fact that Mana Walker wasn't like the other adults that he had dealt with. His voice wasn't harsh when he spoke and the man had yet to lash out at him.

Which was beyond confusing to the brown haired child.

"So Allen," Mana said, directing his words at the child who was trailing along behind him. "What do you say we call it a night? I don't know about you but I'm exhausted."

Allen gazed at the man's back and didn't say anything. It had been impressed upon him at an early age that he should only speak when it was absolutely demanded of him. And Allen did not deem this to be one of those times.

For his part Mana was growing accustomed to the fact that the child refused to speak to him most of the time. The little boy who trailed along behind him was damaged and Mana knew that it would take a great deal of time to repair that damage.

"_The world has definitely done a number on you kid," _he thought to himself, shaking his head sadly.

Allen continued to follow along behind Mana as the clown led the way into a small town. He wasn't entirely certain what they were doing there but didn't open his mouth to question it. The child was content to wait and find out what was going on, lest he irritate the clown and cause him to change into someone very much like all of the adults that he'd encountered in his young life.

And that was something that he did not want.

The child kept his gaze downcast as he and Mana made their way past several people. Feeling self conscious Allen quickly shoved his left hand into the pocket of his trousers, before anyone had the chance to see it. That was the last thing that he wished to deal with at the moment.

His thoughts were still reeling from the fact that Mana had asked for his company on this trip. Allen couldn't seem to make any sense out of it, no matter how hard he tried. The child couldn't think of any reason why Mana should care about him but the fact remained that the clown had allowed him to come along.

"Something's seriously not right with this stupid clown," Allen thought to himself as he followed along.

This train of thought was interrupted when Mana came to a stop in front of a building of moderate size. Allen's gaze shifted in the direction of the building and he felt a shiver run down his spine. It reminded him slightly of the orphanage that he had ran away from and the child had to force back the painful memories that were threatening to assault his mind.

"Are you alright Allen?"

Allen's gaze shifted from the building to the face of the clown. The man was gazing down at him, a strange look in his eyes.

"I'm fine!" the child snapped, averting his gaze.

Shaking his head and chuckling softly to himself Mana moved forward. "Come along. It's late and I'm ready to retire for the night."

Allen followed along behind the clown as the man led the way inside the building. It was an inn, as it turned out, not that Allen had any experience with such establishments. The child gazed up at the clown as he spoke briefly to a woman who was standing behind a desk.

The child flinched and averted his gaze the moment the woman gazed in his direction. He had never liked making eye contact with people and was desperately wishing that he were invisible at this given moment.

"Your son is very cute," the woman said with a smile, filling out the registry as she spoke.

"I'm NOT his son!" Allen practically snarled, not exactly sure why he was so angry with the woman's comment.

"Allen!" Mana snapped, glaring at the boy briefly before turning back to the woman. He offered her an apologetic look. "I'm sorry about that. I recently adopted the boy and he hasn't quite became accustomed to that."

"It's alright," the woman said, the smile still on her face as she offered Mana a key. "Your room is on the second floor, last on the right."

"Thank you very much," Mana said, offering the woman a brief bow before turning back to the scowling child who was standing behind him. "Come on Allen."

As the boy followed the clown toward the stairs that were positioned across the room Allen got the distinct impression that Mana was angry. The child trudged up the stairs behind Mana and then down a long corridor.

Using the key that the woman had given to him Mana unlocked the door and pushed it open. Then he turned his attention back to the little urchin who was following along behind him. "Inside."

Allen couldn't help but pick up on the slight note of anger contained in the man's voice. This was the first time that the clown had shown that particular emotion and Allen shivered involuntarily as he hurried into the room.

Following the child inside Mana closed the door behind them. Then he took a deep breath before turning to the brown haired boy who had retreated to the far end of the room.

The child visibly paled as Mana turned to face him, subconsciously shrinking away from the clown.

"Why did that statement bother you so much Allen?" Mana asked, fighting to keep the irritation from his voice. He couldn't fail to notice the fear that had appeared in the child's gray eyes and he didn't want to make it worse. The last thing that Mana wanted was for the boy to be afraid of him.

Allen shrugged, not really certain why the woman's comment had angered him so. Other than the fact that he did not now, nor had he ever, belonged to anyone.

With a sigh Mana crossed the room and sat down on the edge of one of the beds. Still gazing at the child in the corner he removed his top hat and ran his hand through his hair. "That wasn't nice Allen. You shouldn't speak to people that way."

Allen thought about the man's words, gazing at the ground as he mulled over what he had just been told. He realized that it wasn't nice to speak in the tone that he had began using but so what? It wasn't as though anyone had ever done anything to cause him to want to be nice.

Allen's head snapped up as he realized, perhaps for the first time, that this thought wasn't true. The clown named Mana had taken him away from the circus and hadn't once raised a hand against him.

A first in the child's short life.

"I… I'm sorry." It had been more difficult than he had imagined but Allen had managed. And the apology sounded almost sincere.

Getting to his feet Mana crossed the room to the spot where the boy was standing. Reaching out he made a move to tousle the boy's hair, only to have Allen pull back as fast as he could. Fear shone in the child's expressive gray eyes.

Dropping to his knees Mana reached out and placed a hand on the child's shoulder. This caused Allen to shudder but he didn't make a move to pull away. He actually seemed too afraid to. "Listen to me Allen…"

The child slowly raised his gaze to meet that of the clown. He just knew that he was going to be sent away now.

"I know that things had to have been tough," Mana said, his gaze shifting to the child's left hand. "But I'm not like those other people. I'm not going to hurt you. I promise."

Allen continued to gaze at Mana, attempting to determine whether or not he was telling the truth. A promise. No one had ever made a promise to him before yet Allen knew all too well the fact that people lied.

Dare he put his trust in this man?

Could he possibly be different than all the others?

Only time would tell.

A/N - another chapter complete! Hope that you enjoyed! Please leave a review and tell me what you thought.


	14. Thoughts

Disclaimer - I do not own DGM

Chapter Fourteen - Thoughts

Allen was sitting in the corner of the room, his thoughts still focused on the events of earlier. He had angered Mana not by the various insults directed his way but by being rude to the woman at the front desk. This seemed somewhat odd to the child but not half as odd as the fact that the clown hadn't struck him.

In his experience that was the way that adults dealt with their anger. He couldn't count the number of times that he had been struck during his time at the orphanage. Yet the only thing that Mana had done was tell him that it hadn't been nice to speak to the woman that way.

"Allen…"

The child's gray eyes went immediately to the clown. Mana was sitting on one of the twin beds located in the room, an open book held in front of his eyes.

"I'm sure that you'd be much more comfortable in the bed," Mana said, hoping that his little lecture hadn't alienated the child. He gestured in the direction of the second bed that occupied the room.

The child's gaze shifted briefly to the bed before returning to the face of the clown. Allen was still trying to figure the man out; trying to determine why he was so different from the other people that he had came across.

"Well the bed's yours when you decide that you want it," Mana said with a shrug, placing the book on the nightstand. "I'm going to sleep now."

Having said this Mana extinguished the gas lamp, bathing the room in darkness. Then he rolled over onto his side, more than ready to go to sleep.

As the darkness enveloped him Allen continued to stare in the direction he knew the clown to be.

* * *

Mana wasn't certain how much time had passed since he had fallen asleep. But what he was certain of was the fact that a strange noise had aroused him from that state of blissful slumber. Sitting up he gazed around the room, which was partially laminated due to the moonlight that was shining through the window.

And the source of the noise became immediately clear.

The child named Allen was still huddled in the corner, where he had been sitting when Mana had turned out the lights, but it appeared that he had fallen asleep at some point. The child was thrashing about, whimpering in his sleep.

Getting to his feet Mana walked across the room and knelt in front of the child. Hesitating slightly he reached out and drew the child into his arms, feeling Allen tense slightly as he held him close.

As Mana got back to his feet he couldn't help but groan slightly as his joints popped. He wasn't exactly certain when it was that he had grown old but what he did know was that he didn't like it.

But that wasn't relevant right now.

Walking over to the unoccupied bed he gently placed the child upon the mattress. There were tears flowing down the little boy's face and, without conscious thought, Mana reached out and wiped them away.

With a gasp the child's eyes popped open and he gazed wildly around the room. Seconds before his wide eyed gaze locked onto Mana.

Allen immediately backed away from the clown, frightened by the man's proximity. He wasn't able to get very far, due to the headboard, but he kept his wary gaze locked onto Mana.

"It's alright Allen," Mana said, his voice calm as he spoke to the terrified child. "You fell asleep in the corner. You didn't look comfortable so I moved you to the bed."

Allen couldn't make out the man's features in the semi-darkness of the room but there was something about his voice. A strange note that actually made him feel better; and Allen wasn't even entirely sure why he felt bad in the first place.

He couldn't remember the nightmare that had terrorized him mere minutes before.

Mana couldn't see the child but he was fairly certain that Allen must be feeling uncomfortable. So he quickly got to his feet. "You must be tired Allen. You should get some rest."

And without so much as another word Mana made his way back to his own bed. Sinking back beneath the covers he fought to drift back to sleep, hoping that both he and Allen could get a good night's sleep.

Because they both still had a long way to travel.

* * *

Allen was already awake by the time sunlight began streaming into the room that he was sharing with the clown. The child was sitting in bed, his back pressed against the headboard and his knees drawn up to his chest. Allen's thoughts kept going back to the previous night; back to the moment when he had awoken to find Mana leaning over him.

The clown had moved him from the corner over to the bed, which was softer than anything that Allen had ever slept on. He had seemed almost concerned. Of course Allen hadn't been able to see his facial features but had picked up the note of concern in his voice.

It was strange.

"The clown's not normal," Allen decided, his gray eyes shifting to the figure of the man. Mana was still asleep, as was evident by the light snores that filled the room.

And yet the child couldn't help but feel a tiny measure of hope. The clown wasn't normal but in his experience that was definitely a good thing. Perhaps he really could be trusted to keep his word. Maybe, just maybe, Allen had finally found someone who wouldn't hurt him.

Maybe he had finally found someone who would protect him from the terrors of the world.

Allen wasn't used to this feeling of hope but found that he liked it. He really hoped that the clown didn't give him any reason to regret his decision to come along on this trip.

Because there was only so much disappointment and pain that a soul could endure in a lifetime.

A/N- Another chapter! I'm on a roll with this one. Hope that you enjoyed, please leave a review and tell me what you thought.


	15. Trust

Disclaimer - I do not own DGM

Chapter Fifteen - Trust

Trust.

Not something easily given, especially not by a child who has been completely and utterly betrayed by everyone in his life. Yet, despite the difficulty, Allen had given the man named Mana his trust when he had agreed to accompany the clown on his travels. Perhaps not his full trust but it was more than he'd ever given to anyone else in his life.

He was wary at first, not surprising given his past. But as the weeks progressed the child was beginning to relax, at least to a small degree.

After all the clown had had more than ample opportunity to cause him pain. If he was going to then the chances are great that he already would have. Not to say that Allen was completely relaxed around the man but he wasn't as wary as when he'd first embarked on this journey into the unknown.

At the present moment the clown and the child were preparing for a night spent in the forest. They were between towns and Mana decided that they would stop for the night instead of continuing on. Mainly because of Allen.

Had he been alone he more than likely would have continued to travel until he reached the next town but it was obvious that the child was exhausted.

"Alright Allen," he said as he placed his over sized suitcase down on the ground. "Looks like we'll be doing a little camping tonight."

The child's gray eyes scanned their surroundings and Mana saw the ghost of something flash across them.

After Mana told him that they would be spending the night in the forest Allen couldn't keep his thoughts from wandering back to that first night spent on his own. That night had been filled with an indescribable terror and the little boy couldn't suppress the shiver than ran down his spine at the memory.

Seeing the boy shudder Mana quickly walked over to the child. "What's the matter Allen?"

"Nothing!" the boy quickly snapped, forcing his customary scowl back onto his face. He didn't want to show his fear to the clown. When people sensed fear it made them more aggressive than they were if you showed indifference.

So that was the façade that the child chose to hide behind.

"Alright," Mana said, holding up his hands. He didn't believe the child but knew better than to press the issue. It would only make the boy angry. "Can you gather some pieces of wood so that I can make a fire?"

Allen gazed at the clown for a few minutes before nodding his head. Without a word the child set about gathering the various pieces of wood that were scattered around their makeshift campsite. It took some time but Allen eventually gathered up enough to make a decent sized fire.

"Thank you Allen."

Allen gazed intently as Mana went about making a fire. He kept his gray eyes focused on the pieces of wood that he had gathered and was almost surprised when the clown actually managed to get a fire started. The fire reflected in his eyes as the child shifted his gaze up to meet Mana's gaze. The clown offered the child a smile, reaching out to gently tousle the kid's hair. "It's not much but it'll provide at least a little warmth."

Allen barely flinched as the clown messed up his hair, causing it to stand on end. He was growing accustomed to the fact that the man seemed capable of physical contact without inflicting pain. By this point his reaction was strictly relex, not something that he gave actual conscious thought to. Which was great progress for a child who had been so mistreated in life.

"And now," Mana said, getting to his feet and walking over to the spot where he'd left his suitcase. "For something to eat."

Allen's eyes widened at the mention of food. His stomach had been growling unmercifully for most of the day but he hadn't expected for Mana to actually have food. Noticing the expression that had appeared on the boy's face Mana pulled out a loaf of bread, wrapped up in cloth. He gazed down at it for a moment before handing it to the child. "Here you go Allen. Enjoy."

The boy gazed at the bread for a moment, not moving a muscle.

"Take it." Mana forced the bread into the child's hands and then walked away. "I'm not hungry anyway."

* * *

A couple of hours had passed since the two travelers had made camp and Allen was now curled up into a ball. The night air was cold and his clothes weren't adequate to keep out the chill.

Just like that rainy night.

The child clenched his eyes closed, fighting hard not to remember that night. His eyes popped open however as he felt something warm cover his small body. Shifting his gaze upward Allen saw that Mana was standing over him.

At the same moment that he realized there was a blanket covering him. It wasn't much but it made all the difference in the world to the child.

"Thank you."

The boy's words were barely above a whisper but they were filled with sincerity. And trust shone in his gray eyes for the first time in his young life.

"You're welcome," Mana said, offering the child a smile.

A/N - Allen has finally found someone in whom he can place his trust. Hope that you enjoyed the chapter, please leave a review as you leave. Thanks for reading.


	16. A Place to Belong

Disclaimer - I do not own DGM

Chapter Sixteen - A Place to Belong

After leaving the circus where the two of them had met Mana and Allen traveled for about a week before joining up with yet another circus. For his part Allen was wary of the other members of the circus troupe but he didn't show it. The only emotion that he allowed any of them to see was his contempt.

Because, despite the kindness of the clown who had taken him in, Allen still didn't trust people. People lied and were only good at hurting one another. That was the impression that he had gotten during his early life and it was going to take more than one act of kindness to change his mind.

* * *

"Alright Allen," Mana said to the child, the morning after their arrival at the new circus. The man was already dressed in his clown costume and was holding three colored balls. "I'm going to teach you how to juggle today. That's the first skill that any good clown needs."

The only reply from the child was a groan. It was obvious, by the look on his face, that Allen wasn't overly fond of being called a clown. He had accepted the job because he was desperate to get away from his previous employers. However he had yet to become acclimated to being something that he had once claimed to hate.

"Don't make that face," Mana said, his gaze focused intently on the child. "It will get stuck that way."

Allen debated the clown's words for a few minutes, the scowl still on his face. Then, after a couple of moments of thought, the child gazed up at the man. "Stupid clown."

"Manners still need a lot of work," Mana muttered to himself as he reached a hand out toward the door of the caravan. "Come on Allen."

Allen followed Mana out into the bright sunlight, briefly shielding his eyes until they became accustomed to the brightness. The early morning air was cold, causing Allen to shiver as he stepped outside. Apparently that was what happened when you spent the night warm inside. It was a completely new experience for the child.

Mana led the way to a secluded spot in the circus grounds, so that he could teach Allen without the fear of being interrupted. The boy was still wary around strangers and the last thing that Mana wanted was for the boy to become upset.

Because he had the tendency to run off whenever that happened.

"Alright Allen," Mana said, coming to a stop and turning to face the child. "Juggling. The first thing you do…"

"I've seen people juggle before," Allen snapped, his gray eyes focused on the little balls that Mana held in his hand. "I'm not completely stupid."

"I never said that you were stupid," Mana said with a sigh. He had learned, in the brief time that they had spent together, that Allen took things the wrong way. It didn't matter how you meant a comment, the child would take it as an insult.

Allen continued to scowl.

"Okay," Mana said, deciding to try a different course of action. Holding out his hand he offered two of the balls to Allen, placing the third in his pocket for later. "It's easier to learn with just two so here you go. Have at it."

The child took the balls that Mana was offering him, one red and one yellow, and gazed down at them for a moment. He knew the mechanics of the move, having seen it on numerous occasions, but for some reason he was nervous.

"I don't want to mess up," Allen thought to himself as he took one ball in each hand. "Because if I do then he might decide that I'm not a good assistant and…"

Allen didn't want to finish the thought; didn't want to think about the fact that he was scared Mana would abandon him. Despite the fact that he constantly called the man a stupid clown Mana had never once made a move to hurt him.

Something that had never happened before in his life.

And the child was ready to do anything in order to make the man happy, although he would never admit this fact. He may have learned some new emotions during the time spent with the clown but he still wasn't very good at showing them.

The scowl was a permanent fixture on his face.

"Come on Allen," Mana said, breaking into the child's thoughts. Allen gazed up and saw that the clown was staring at him. "You said that you knew how to do it so let's see it."

Taking a breath, Allen tossed both of the balls into the air at the same time. Then he struggled to catch them, only managing to wrap his small fingers around one of them. The other hit the ground and rolled a few feet away.

"Damn it!" the boy swore as he retrieved the ball.

"Allen," Mana said, walking over to the boy. "You shouldn't use such language."

Allen didn't get what the big deal was; it was only a word after all. But he could hear the displeasure in Mana's voice and knew that he didn't like it. "Sorry," he muttered, glaring down at the little balls that he held. "It's harder than it looks."

"Would you like me to help you?"

Allen thought about the question for a minute before finally nodding. Holding out his small hands he offered the juggling balls to Mana.

"Okay," Mana said, taking the two balls that Allen held out for him. "This is going to sound crazy but it's easier if you don't look at the balls. Toss one of them up, wait a second, and then the second…" Having said this Mana demonstrated the technique; his gaze focused squarely on Allen.

The child watched in awe as the clown deftly caught the balls. It seemed amazing that he could catch them without even looking and it made the child even more determined to learn.

"I'm ready to try again," he said, his voice quiet but at the same time determined.

Mana nodded his head in approval and tossed the two balls to Allen. The child caught them, paused for a minute, and then tried the technique that Mana had taught him.

"I can do this," he thought to himself. He wanted to prove to the clown that he was useful, prove that he was worth keeping around. "I've finally found a place to belong and I don't want to mess it up."

A/N - Hope that you enjoyed this chapter, please leave a review and tell me what you thought.


	17. Comfort

Disclaimer - I do not own DGM

Chapter Seventeen - Comfort

Allen and Mana had only been with the new circus for about a week but the brown haired child had already managed to learn a couple of tricks. Despite the fact that he fought to keep his face from displaying his emotions, Allen was proud of himself. And determined to work as hard as he had to in order to master all of the moves that Mana had to teach him.

The move that he was currently working to master was a somersault. And it was proving to be more difficult to master than the other simple tricks that Mana had taught him. But this fact only increased Allen's determination to master the move.

"I can do this," the child thought to himself, shaking his left hand. The limb had always been stiff and somewhat difficult to move and these tricks weren't really helping the situation.

But that didn't matter.

"Come on Allen," Mana called out to the child, who was off practicing his somersaults. He knew that the little boy had to be absolutely exhausted. The sun was beginning to set and Allen had been working on this move since just after their mid-day meal. And, after watching Allen fall to the ground several times, Mana took pity on him. "Time to call it quits for the day."

Allen glanced over at the clown for a moment, trying to identify the expression on his face. He often found himself trying to read Mana's expressions but had learned that it was difficult, even when the clown wasn't wearing makeup. "Coming."

The child gave the somersault one final attempt, before calling it quits for the day. And he almost managed to regain his balance that time.

"Just keep practicing," Mana encouraged as he watched the small boy walk toward him with a scowl on his face. He knew that Allen had to be frustrated but what the kid didn't understand was that it had taken him much longer to learn the same tricks. "You'll get there."

Allen shrugged nonchalantly as he and Mana made their way to the caravan that they were currently calling home. It was far from luxurious, by normal standards, however it was far better than the places that Allen was accustomed to.

Producing a key out of nowhere Mana unlocked the door and then stood aside as Allen quickly entered the caravan. The child was always happy to be away from the curious gazes of the other performers. No one had learned of the child's deformity, since Mana had given him an oversized mitten to cover it. Of course Allen had to take it off in order to practice his acrobatics and to perform.

Mana had remedied this problem with a pair of oversized white gloves. They didn't fit the boy very well but they went well with his clown costume.

Which of course meant that Allen hated them.

The moment that Mana closed the door behind them Allen used his teeth to pull the gloves from his hands. Tossing them aside the child sat down on the warn bed that was positioned on one side of the caravan. Mana had given him the bed and made a pallet in the floor for himself at night.

From his spot on the bed Allen gazed at Mana, watching as the man wiped the makeup from his face. For some reason that the child had never understood the clown insisted on dressing in full costume, even when he was practicing.

"So Allen," Mana said, once he had removed all of the irritating makeup from his face. "You did really well with practice today."

"No I didn't," Allen said, the scowl that already decorated his face only deepening. "You're just saying that."

"Everything's an argument with you," Mana said, although the smile on his face took away any sharpness that the comment might have otherwise had. "Trust me, you're learning everything much faster than I did."

Allen continued to scowl at the man so Mana shrugged and walked over to the door. "I'm going to go and get us something to eat. Try to stay out of trouble until I come back."

Allen's eyes lit up slightly at the mention of food but he quickly banished the emotion from his eyes. He didn't want to let the clown know how much that one single comment had affected him. "Whatever."

The boy watched as the clown left the caravan, that annoying smile still on his face. It seemed that the clown always wore a smile, even when it wasn't painted on his face with red makeup. "I don't get why he's so happy all the time…"

And yet, for some reason that he couldn't understand, Allen had to admit that the clown's constant smile made him feel better. He was used to angry faces and had yet to see this expression from Mana.

Allen sat on the bed, lost in his thoughts. But this was interrupted when the door of the caravan was thrust open. Allen's gray eyes widened but the fear disappeared as his gaze fell upon Mana. And the ghost of a smile appeared on his face as he saw the clown struggling to juggle a tray in one hand while he closed the door with the other.

"So you think it's funny huh?" Mana said as he eyed the child.

Allen shook his head, his gaze shifting from Mana's face to the tray that he was holding. Noticing that the child's attention had shifted the older clown placed the tray on the little end table that was positioned beside the bed.

"Today's menu is soup," he announced, offering one of the bowls to the child.

Allen took the bowl that was held out to him and immediately began eating. It seemed to him that he was always hungry and today was no exception. Within minutes the contents of the bowl were gone. Allen placed the empty bowl back on the tray and then fell back onto the bed.

Mana stared at the boy and noticed that, within minutes, his breathing had evened out. Signaling sleep.

"Practice must have really worn him out," Mana thought to himself as he reached out and pulled a blanket over the child's still form.

* * *

Later that night, after Mana had made his pallet on the floor and retired for the night, the clown was awoken by an ear splitting scream. The sound pierced the darkness and caused Mana to sit bolt upright. His gaze immediately shifted to the bed and he saw that Allen was sitting up.

Instantly concerned Mana scrambled to his feet and crossed the small distance that separated him from the boy. The clown quickly lit the small oil lamp that he had placed on the small bedside table and then gazed down at the child.

Allen looked absolutely terrified.

Without thinking about how Allen would react to the move Mana sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled the child into his arms. And Allen, still terrified of any physical contact, frantically tried to pull away. The child was trembling and Mana found himself wanting to help.

"Allen…"

The boy stopped his attempts to pull away and gazed up at Mana. There was kindness in his eyes.

"It's okay Allen," Mana said, his voice gentle. "You're safe."

Still reeling from the nightmare that had awakened him in the middle of the night Allen continued to fight against the arms that were holding him. The fact that he was being held against his will only caused the little boy's already rapid breathing to increase further. Which caused him to become dizzy.

"Allen," Mana said, his eyes growing wide as he fought to restrain the struggling little boy. Allen was beginning to hyperventilate and the clown knew that he needed to do something in order to calm the child. "It's okay kiddo... it's just me."

Allen ceased his struggles and fought to control his breathing as he gazed warily up into the man's eyes. The soft light from the oil lamp shone in Mana's brown eyes and Allen searched that gaze for any hint that he was going to cause him harm. His heart was pounding in his chest and the boy took a couple of deep breaths.

"Shh Allen," Mana said in a soothing voice. "You're safe."

Safe.

Allen thought about the word for a moment and realized that he was safe. Mana had had ample opportunity to hurt him in the time that they had spent together and yet he hadn't. For the first time in his life Allen found himself secure in the arms of someone who actually cared for him. Was this what it was like to have a parent? Was this the feeling that he had often longed for during his days at the orphanage?

"Safe…" the boy murmured as he placed his head on Mana's shoulder.

A/N - End of another chapter, hope that you enjoyed. Please leave a review and tell me what you think.


	18. A Difficult Path

Disclaimer - I do not own DGM

Chapter Eighteen - A Difficult Path

Allen awoke early the next morning, even before his guardian was awake. Glancing around the small room that he and Mana were sharing the child felt his face flush as he recalled the events from the previous night. He couldn't believe that he'd woken up screaming and was finding it even harder to deal with the fact that he'd actually allowed Mana to hold him.

Now the clown probably thought that he was a pathetic little kid.

Growling low in his throat Allen got to his feet. He was already dressed, not really having any spare clothing, so all the child had to do was to pull on his shoes. Which he did, without even bothering to tie the laces.

Then, once he had pulled on his shoes, Allen left the caravan and made his way outside. The sun was just barely peaking over the horizon and Allen was happy to find that there weren't any other performers out and about yet.

This was a relief because Allen was still incredibly wary around strangers.

During the short time that they had been traveling together Mana had began to teach Allen some simple acrobatics. The child had been working on these moves and decided that now was a good time to practice. Since he didn't have an audience.

Taking a deep breath Allen threw himself forward, launching into a series of handsprings. This was one of the first moves that he had learned and Allen was fairly good at it. Although when someone was watching he found it harder to complete the move than when he was alone.

Because he felt the need to keep one eye on the audience. His bad experiences in life had made him extremely wary of people and that was proving to be a problem during his training sessions.

But the little boy didn't have to worry about that right now and he threw himself whole heartedly into his practicing. Completing his series of handsprings, Allen began to cart-wheel around the small area in front of the caravan. This was the very first trick that he had learned and Allen almost never messed it up.

As a matter of fact he found himself doing cart-wheels whenever his self confidence needed a little boost.

After the series of cart-wheels Allen threw himself forward once more, as though he were going to do a handspring. However the boy halted mid-motion, attempting to regain his balance in a handstand. This was one of the newer tricks that Allen was working on and he felt his body wobble as he fought to maintain his balance.

Once he had regained his balance somewhat Allen took a couple of shaky steps forward on his hands. A small smile spread across his face as Allen took a few more shaky steps.

"I can do this…" the boy muttered to himself, chewing on the side of his mouth in concentration.

The sound of applause startled Allen and caused him to lose some of his focus. Which resulted in the boy tumbling to the ground.

The smile was instantly replaced by a scowl as Allen jumped to his feet and whirled to face Mana. The clown could tell that the child was upset, as well as somewhat embarrassed, and he immediately wished that he hadn't applauded.

But he couldn't take it back now.

"That's okay Allen," Mana said, offering the boy a smile. "You did really well until I interrupted…"

Not waiting around to hear what Mana had to say Allen turned and dashed off as fast as his slender legs could carry him. The brown haired youth didn't even look back as he ran away from the caravan. He didn't want to see the disappointment that he knew had to be shining in Mana's eyes.

"I can't do anything right," he thought to himself as he fled.

"Allen!" Mana called out to the child as he ran away but his cries went unheeded. Allen didn't even look around and Mana sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "Way to go Mana… really great move."

With another sigh Mana began to make his way in the direction that Allen had traveled. His gaze shifted about as he searched for any sign of the little boy that he had taken charge of. He hadn't meant to upset the child but it was obvious by Allen's reaction that he had.

Allen didn't slow down until he reached a small stream that was flowing near the perimeter of the circus grounds. Then, when he reached the water, the child sank to the ground and pulled his knees up to his chest. Fighting back tears Allen gazed out at the water, wondering why Mana even bothered with him.

"I'm so useless," the child muttered dejectedly.

"Allen…"

The little boy turned at the sound of Mana's voice and he saw the very look that he had been dreading. There was a disapproving scowl on the clown's face that caused Allen to immediately turn away from him.

Walking over to the child's side Mana sat down, attempting to ignore the popping sounds that his joints made. "I don't want to ever hear you say something like that again Allen… you're not useless."

The child's gaze slowly shifted to Mana, confusion shining in their gray depths. "But I…"

"It takes practice to be able to perform those tricks," Mana said, his voice gentle as he spoke to the boy. "And even after years of practice I still mess up at times. It's a fact of life that you just have to learn to deal with. No one's perfect my boy but you're progressing very well with your training. I'm proud of you."

Allen's eyes widened as he heard these words. Mana was proud of him, even though he'd messed up.

Reaching out Mana wrapped one arm around the little boy's shoulder. Allen tensed at the contact but for once didn't make a move to pull away. "Come on kiddo… let's go back."

Allen nodded. "I wanna work on that trick some more. I'm going to get it right."

"I'm certain that you will," Mana said, a smile spreading across his face as he and Allen both got to their feet.

A/N - Here's another chapter, hope that you enjoyed!


	19. Protector

Disclaimer - I do not own DGM

Chapter Nineteen - Protector

It was the night of the first performance since Allen and Mana had arrived at the new circus and the little boy was standing at the tent flap, his gaze focused on the performers. During his stint at the other circus the child had made it a point to avoid being anywhere near the main tent during performances but that was different now. Although he hadn't yet progressed enough with his own training to actually join in the show he wanted to be as close to Mana as possible. So he remained close to the performer's entrance. This way he could watch them and yet at the same time remain hidden from the crowd.

Because he was still extremely nervous around people. His life experience had taught him not to trust people and, while it was true that Mana was slowly teaching him trust, it was still something that he didn't offer to others. His trust was something that was hard earned.

The little boy had been ducking behind a group of crates whenever one of the performers exited the tent however when Mana and the other clowns entered the ring his gaze quickly sought out and locked onto his guardian. Which was why he didn't notice the fact that one of the strong men was leaving the tent.

The muscular man wasn't really paying attention to where he was going and as a result he tripped over the little form that was standing at the tent flap. The man managed to regain his balance before he fell however his temper erupted as he gazed down at the little boy. And not even the pitiful condition of the child did nothing to curb the man's anger. Allen had been less lucky than the man and had been knocked to the ground when the guy ran into him.

"Why you little…" the man growled, his eyes narrowing as he stared at the brat who was lying on the ground.

Gazing up Allen stared at the man through wide gray eyes. Had it been only a couple of months earlier he would have remained silent or, more than likely, simply ran away. But the manners that Mana was trying to teach him decided to make an appearance in this moment. "I… I'm sorry. I d… didn' mean to."

"You're sorry?" The man's voice was filled with anger. "You think saying I'm sorry is going to make this okay?" As he said this the man raised his fists in a menacing manner.

The man's tirade caused Allen's mind to flash back to his time in the orphanage and he instinctively wrapped his arms around his head. And waited for the inevitable pain.

But it never came.

"Hey!" Allen immediately recognized the voice and he tentatively moved his hands and lifted his gaze. Mana exited the tent and quickly covered the distance that separated him from Allen and the muscular man. It wasn't easy to look imposing dressed as a clown but somehow Mana managed to pull it off. "What's going on here Igor?"

"This little brat almost made me fall," the man named Igor ranted, his glaring gaze shifting back and forth between Mana and Allen.

"I said I was sorry," Allen muttered, feeling slightly safer now that Mana was there. The little boy quickly got to his feet and hid himself behind the clown, hoping desperately that Mana would be able to diffuse the situation. Before the scene escalated to something more than angry words.

"The boy said that he was sorry," Mana said, his voice even and yet still managing to contain a hint of warning. "So you should accept his apology and go on about your business."

Igor continued to glare at Mana for a few minutes more, as though debating his course of action. But when the clown refused to back down he continued on his way, a deep scowl on his face. Proving that despite his large muscles he really was nothing more than a coward.

Mana watched as the man walked away, grateful that the encounter hadn't escalated to physical blows, before turning to the small child who was standing behind him. "Are you alright Allen?"

Allen nodded, grateful that the man had left without resorting to violence. His body was still trembling and he couldn't keep his thoughts from flashing back to those horrifying years spent at the orphanage. The trauma that he had endured was more than could be erased by even Mana's kindness.

"Hey…" The scared look in Allen's gray eyes made Mana's heart go out to the little boy. And caused him to momentarily forget the fact that Allen was extremely nervous about physical contact. Leaning forward Mana scooped the boy into his arms. He felt the little form stiffen, and mentally slapped himself for not having expected that reaction from the child, but after a few minutes Allen relaxed to a small degree. Although he continued to tremble. "It's over and you're safe. I know that life's been rough for you but you're with me now kiddo and I promise that I won't let anything happen to you."

Allen's eyes grew even wider as he heard these softly spoken words coming from the clown. Gazing up he stared at Mana, wanting so desperately to believe that the gentle words he spoke were the truth.

Mana could tell that the child was still somewhat uncomfortable but he chose not to pay any attention to that fact. The only way Allen was going to learn that he viewed him as a normal child was if Mana treated him as such. "Come on kiddo…"

Mana knew that it would be much easier for Allen to calm down and recover from his close call away from the eyes of the other members of the circus. So, with this thought in mind, the clown made his way back to the caravan trailer that he and Allen shared. With the child still held securely in his arms.

"I can walk you know…" The voice was somewhat quieter than normal but the slightly irreverent tone had returned.

"I know that,' Mana said, not even slowing his pace. "But why should you bother when the stupid clown will carry you?"

Allen gazed up at the clown for a few seconds before rolling his eyes. "You're weird."

Mana couldn't help but chuckle at this statement from the child. "Trust me my boy, you have no idea."

A/N - And here's the newest chapter! Hope that you all enjoyed and thank goodness for good timing on the part of Mana. Poor little Allen almost had a bout of déjà vu. Please leave a review and tell me what you thought. 'puppy-dog eyes'


	20. Tricks of the Trade

Disclaimer - I do not own DGM

Chapter Twenty - Tricks of the Trade

The sun was shining brightly, although the air was still crisp, as Allen emerged from the small caravan that he shared with Mana. It still seemed somewhat odd to be sharing something akin to a home with someone but the child was beginning to grow accustomed to it. Rubbing at his eyes with the back of his right hand the child stepped out to find Mana practicing the tricks that he performed in his act.

"Good morning Allen my boy!" Mana called out cheerfully as his gaze fell upon the child.

"Morning," Allen muttered, not entirely awake yet although he was making an effort. Gazing at the man, who was already dressed in full costume and only missing the make-up, Allen tilted his head slightly to the side. "What're you doing?"

"Just practicing some new tricks for my act," Mana replied, offering the little boy a smile. In the time that had passed since he had taken the boy in Mana had noticed that Allen wasn't a morning person. Although he was fairly certain this was due more to the fact that he could actually get a good night's sleep now, whereas he had been unable to before. "And I think that we'll begin your training in earnest today as well."

He'd been giving the child a chance to get accustomed to his new life, just showing him a few acrobatic moves that Allen had been working on, as well as juggling which had been the first thing that the clown had taught the child. But now Mana felt that he was ready to begin his training for real. And hopefully that would help Allen to open up to him more. Because, while the child didn't shrink away in fear anymore, he was far from trusting.

And Mana was determined to do something about that.

"So what do I gotta do?" Allen questioned, his head still tilted slightly. He had agreed to be Mana's assistant but the child still had absolutely no idea exactly what all that entailed. He'd pretty much just agreed to get away from the circus where he'd met the clown. Thoughts as to what he'd actually have to do hadn't really crossed his mind.

But now he was curious.

He knew about the acrobatics, because he had been working on some of those moves on his own, but Allen also knew that there were other things involved. Because he'd seen enough clowns to know that acrobatics weren't the main focus of their acts. Much to his dismay, having never been a fan of clowns.

Walking over to a box that was positioned in the shade created by the caravan Mana leaned forward and pulled something from it. Straightening back up the clown held up three bowling pin looking things, offering Allen a smile. "I know that we've worked on juggling briefly so I think I'll teach you something a little more difficult than just juggling the little balls. Cause it's something that every good clown knows how to do."

Allen rolled his eyes and sighed. He really didn't like clowns but had decided that he would do this as a way to repay Mana for the kindness that he had shown him. But that didn't mean that he had to be happy about it. "How hard can it be," the boy said with a shrug.

After all he could already juggle the balls fairly well and the main difference of the pins were size and shape.

Ignoring the boy's slight attitude Mana tossed the pins into the air and effortlessly began to juggle them. With his attention focused squarely on Allen, the clown walked forward and when he was within a few feet of the child he tossed a couple of the pins to him. Allen managed to catch the first of the objects that his guardian tossed his way but he missed the other one. Landing on the ground the pin rolled a short distance, coming to rest underneath the caravan. "Damn it!" Allen exclaimed as he scampered to retrieve the prop.

"Allen…" Mana admonished, one eyebrow arched as he watched the boy chase after the runaway ball. He had been working on Allen to correct him on his colorful usage of the English language but it was slow going. The boy couldn't seem to remember that Mana didn't like for him to use those words. "You shouldn't use such language."

Allen turned to glare over his shoulder at the clown as he grabbed the prop but he didn't say anything about his choice of language. Instead he backed out from beneath the caravan and then made his way back to the spot that he had previously occupied. The annoyed look was replaced with a look of determination as Allen held one of the pins in each of his hands.

Mana gazed at the child, curious as to what he was going to do.

Holding one of the props in each hand Allen paused for a moment before he tossed each of them into the air. And, much to his guardian's shock and amazement, the child began to juggle them. It wasn't as graceful as someone with a lot of practice but Mana was none the less impressed.

"That's really good my boy," he praised as he watched the little boy tossing the awkward pins into the air and deftly catching them.

"It's not so hard," Allen said, catching the two juggling pins and gazing at Mana. After all he'd already learned how to do this once; all Mana had did was give him something new to toss into the air. "Give me the other one."

Mana hesitated, knowing that adding a third pin would increase the difficulty level a fair amount. He wasn't entirely sure that Allen was ready for that but, after a look from the boy, he relented and tossed over the final pin that he was holding in his hand.

Allen stood for a moment, just gazing off into the distance, and then he began to juggle. Tossing each of the pins into the air the child attempted to find his rhythm again. Unfortunately, with the third object thrown into the mix, it proved to be more difficult this time around. Two of the pins collided in mid air, sending both of them crashing to the ground.

Allen growled low in his throat as he bent to retrieve the props, thankful that they hadn't rolled underneath the caravan this time. Or hit him in the head as they fell to Earth. "Damn…"

"Allen…" It appeared to Mana that he was going to have to work a little more on Allen's colorful usage of the English language.

"Sorry," the child muttered as he stood up. Determined that he was going to master this trick Allen took a deep breath a second before he tossed the awkwardly shaped pins into the air. With the same result as the first time that he'd tried the trick. Allen groaned as he once again scrambled to catch the props but this time managed to bite his tongue before uttering another curse word. He knew that Mana didn't like it but at the same time it was a rather difficult habit to break. The boy wasn't used to having anyone care what he said or did.

It was completely new territory for him.

"It's alright Allen," Mana said, making sure to keep his voice even. Because he knew that Allen was a bit touchy and he didn't want to say anything that would cause him to run off again. "I know you're trying and that's all that I ask."

Allen nodded as he once again stood up, the determination still glowing in his gray eyes. "I'm gonna get this right," he thought to himself as he prepared for a third try at the trick. "I'm gonna prove that I'm not useless." With this thought in mind Allen tossed the juggling pins into the air yet again. And this time the child managed to find his rhythm. A small smile spread across his face as Allen tossed the pins into the air and caught them, never breaking his rhythm.

"Excellent my boy!" Mana beamed at the child, proud not only that he managed the trick but that he had kept at it.

"Thanks," Allen said, offering Mana a somewhat shy smile. But it was a genuine smile, perhaps the first that he'd ever worn.

A/N - More bonding between Allen and Mana. Hope that you enjoyed the chapter, please leave a review and share your thoughts.


	21. Show Time

Disclaimer - I do not own DGM nor any of the characters.

Chapter Twenty-One - Show Time

"But Mana…"

The petulant tone of the boy's voice was unmistakable, not that Mana had really expected for him to be happy about this. Letting out a frustrated breath the clown ran a hand through his hair and stared at the half dressed child who was sitting on the bed. They had been fighting for a good fifteen minutes and it didn't appear as though an end to the argument was in sight. Allen continued to scowl.

"I don' wanna wear this," the child said, glaring daggers at the costume that Mana had given him to change into.

"How did I know he was going to give me problems over this?" Mana thought to himself as he took a breath and willed himself not to lose his temper. That was never a good idea with Allen; the child didn't take it well. Not that Mana could really blame him considering everything that he'd endured. Which was the only reason why he hadn't lost his temper yet. He was only human after all and at times Allen could try the patience of a saint. "I know you don't like it but you agreed to be my assistant and the costume sorta goes with it."

"You've never made me dress this way before," the little boy argued.

"You've never been in an actual performance before now," Mana said, his gaze locked on the face of the little boy. Allen had progressed rapidly through his training; so much so that the older clown had decided to work the child into his act.

A decision that he was slowly coming to regret.

Allen wanted no part of the costume and wasn't making any attempts to hide his displeasure over the situation. "I'll look stupid," the child grumbled.

"It's only for performances," Mana said, hoping that this ploy would work. Because he really didn't know what else he could say in order to get the child to cooperate with him. He was running out of options and Allen didn't take orders well at all so that wouldn't work. "You can take it off the moment that our act is over… right in front of the crowd if you want to."

This was said as a joke, an attempt to lighten the mood, but it only caused Allen's scowl to deepen. "That's not funny… stupid clown."

Mana sighed again. "Please Allen? Will you just do it for me?"

Allen's eyes widened as he heard these words from his foster father. For a moment all he could do was stare at the man who had taken him in and treated him like a normal person. Then, with a barely audible growl of displeasure, he began to pull on the costume that Mana had given him.

Mana's jaw actually dropped as he watched Allen fighting with the oversized costume but he recovered quickly. Closing his mouth he watched as the child fought with the costume, finally managing to pull it on. The last thing he added was the ruffled collar, which he felt the need to glare at for several moments before tugging it on over his head.

"Thank you Allen," Mana said, leaning forward and giving the child a brief hug before Allen had the chance to pull away.

Allen merely rolled his eyes.

"Alright then," Mana said, walking over to his trunk and fishing something out, turning back to Allen with a smile.

Allen blanched as he noticed the makeup that Mana was holding in his hands. It was almost enough to make the boy change his mind about his decision to cooperate. The child briefly thought about making a break for it but decided against it in the end.

"I owe him," the boy kept reminding himself.

* * *

It had taken a fair amount of coaxing, and finally some all out begging, but Mana managed to get both Allen and himself into costume in time for their performance. But there hadn't been a great deal of time to spare. The two clowns arrived at the performer's entrance to the tent just in time to watch the final moments of the act that preceded their own.

"Are you nervous my boy?" Mana asked, his voice loud enough so that Allen could hear him but not enough to disrupt anyone else.

"Why should I be?" Allen snapped, the scowl on his face comical owning to the painted on smile. "What're they gonna do, laugh at me?"

The child had a very valid point and Mana laughed despite himself. Sometimes Allen's attitude served as the comedy relief, even though he wasn't meaning for it to. "Guess you have a point my boy. Anyway that's our cue."

Mana stepped through the tent flap and then did a series of somersaults toward the center ring. Taking a deep breath Allen followed along behind his foster father, mirroring his movements. The act that Mana had worked out called for Allen to copy his movements, as though he were mocking the clown. Every so often the older clown would look back, at which point the child would feign innocence.

The crowd applauded as the two clowns took the stage so to speak. Reaching into his oversized pockets Mana produced three juggling balls and began to juggle. Standing behind and just to the side of his foster father Allen did the same thing. Occasionally during his routine Allen would bounce one of the balls off Mana's head, catching it and continuing to juggle as though nothing had happened.

The crowd roared with laughter as Mana whirled around to face the boy, only to find him innocently juggling.

Finally, at the end of their act, Mana led Allen through the series of acrobatics that he had learned. This was by far the most difficult part but, much to his delight, Allen pulled it off without a hitch.

Mana's smile couldn't have been wider as he and Allen exited the ring, the child leading the way this time. Doing a series of back flips Allen made his way back to the tent flap where they had entered and then waited for Mana to join him there.

The moment that he arrived at Allen's side the older clown tousled his hair. "So what was up with bouncing those balls off of my head Allen?" he asked the child. "That wasn't part of the act."

A mischievous grin spread across the boy's face, distorted somewhat by the makeup that he wore. "Thought it'd be funny," he said with a slight laugh.

"I'll show you funny," Mana said, learning forward and tickling the boy's side. The child attempted to pull away but the clown succeeded in capturing him, not letting up with his tickle torture.

"Stop… not fair…" Despite the note of irritation that was present in his voice the child couldn't stop laughing.

"That's what you get for ad-libbing at my expense," Mana said, ceasing his torture and smiling down at the child.

A/N - End of another chapter. Bit of a time skip and more bonding between Mana and Allen. Hope that you enjoyed.


	22. Compassion

Disclaimer - I do not own DGM

Chapter Twenty-Two - Compassion

It was mid afternoon and Allen had just completed a rather grueling practice session with Mana. Now he was making his way across the circus grounds, on his way to the tent where food was served. He had volunteered to get them something to eat since Mana had pulled a muscle in his back during their practice.

"I hope that Mana feels better soon," the boy thought to himself as he walked along. He didn't like to see his foster father in pain but the clown had assured the child that he would be just fine after a little rest.

The words of his foster father echoed in his mind. "It's alright Allen, just a side effect of growing old. I'll be fine again in no time, just need a little rest."

"I hope he's right," Allen muttered, his gaze idly shifting as he continued on his way toward his destination. A few minutes passed before Allen realized that he had gone too far, his thoughts having been occupied by his concern for Mana.

"Damn it," the boy muttered, wincing slightly as he recalled Mana's continued admonitions about his language. He really was trying but it was just hard to get used to the fact that someone actually cared how he spoke. And he was frustrated by his horrible sense of direction.

With a shake of his head the brown haired boy made a move to turn around and make his way back however something caught his attention. A muffled cry pierced the air and Allen immediately recognized it as a cry of pain. It was obvious that the sound wasn't made by a human but it was still evident that something was hurting.

Allen's gray eyes surveyed the grounds nearby and his searching gaze soon fell upon a group of boys. There were three of them, all appearing to be several years older than himself, and they seemed to be grouped around something. One of them kicked out at something and Allen once again heard the high pitched cry of pain.

Not even thinking of what could happen to him Allen quickly dashed over to the spot where the group was standing. As he drew closer he saw that there was a small rabbit crouched on the ground at their feet. Since the rabbit was making absolutely no attempt to escape from it's tormentors Allen could only guess that it was too injured to flee.

Picking up the pace the young boy quickly shoved the nearest boy to the side and came to stand in front of the rabbit. His eyes were narrowed as he gazed at the group of bullies, determined to stop their senseless torture of the poor animal.

"What the hell is wrong with you, you little runt?" the boy that he had shoved aside demanded, glaring at Allen through narrowed eyes.

Allen pointed down at the rabbit, his determination to save it causing him to forget all sense of self preservation. "It hasn't done anything so just leave it alone."

"Who do you think you are?" the boy demanded, his eyes narrowing even further as he took a step toward the much smaller boy. Holding up his hands, which were clenched into fists, his intentions became painfully clear. It appeared as though the bully had decided upon a change of targets and was now planning on causing Allen the same kind of pain that he and his friends had been inflicting upon the rabbit.

And still Allen refused to back down. His body trembled slightly as his mind flashed back to his days in the orphanage but still he held his ground.

"Yer either really brave or really dumb," the boy snarled a split second before he swung his fist at the boy. Allen managed to dodge the first blow, his reflexes honed by years of being picked on. Unfortunately the bully threw a second blow before Allen recovered from his first evasive move and this blow caught him in the right eye.

Allen was stunned by the blow but simply shook his head, in an effort to clear his slightly blurry vision. Feeling a small trail of blood begin to trickle down the side of his face Allen absently wiped at it with his sleeve, his gaze still focused on his opponent. Snarling the bully threw another punch which Allen ducked, at the same time grabbing the older boy by the arm. Using his own momentum against him the brown haired boy tossed his foe to the ground.

The other two boys gasped as their leader was tossed to the ground but their shock quickly wore off and they advanced toward Allen. The leader quickly scrambled to his feet and all three of the boys turned their attention to Allen, who reflexively took a step back.

"HEY! What the devil's going on over there?!"

Turning toward the shouted question all four boys saw one of the circus performers, an angry scowl on his face. Briefly debating their options the three bullies scowled at Allen before dashing off.

Thankful that he hadn't had to fight the three boys at once Allen sighed in relief. Then he quickly turned his attention back to the rabbit that the group of bullies had been tormenting. Kneeling on the ground at the creature's side Allen's gray eyes quickly swept over it's body, looking for signs of injury. And his gaze quickly fell upon a gash on it's right hind leg, which was most likely the reason why it had been unable to flee.

"It's alright," he whispered softly to the rabbit as he carefully pulled it into his arms. "I won't hurt you, I promise."

The creature trembled in his arms but seemed too weak to be able to do anything else. Allen carefully wrapped the rabbit in the bottom of his shirt and then began walking toward the caravan that he shared with Mana.

All thoughts of food now forgotten.

Mana was lying in bed in the caravan that he shared with his foster son, his back aching due to the muscle that he had pulled. It was times like this when the clown cursed growing old but he was well aware of the fact that there wasn't anything that he could do about it. It was simply a fact of life.

These thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door opening and the clown shifted his gaze in that direction. He was in no way surprised to see Allen entering the caravan but what was surprising was the fact that, instead of the food that he had gone after, the child held something alive and squirming in his arms.

There was also the fact that Allen's right eye appeared swollen, with a small cut beside it. He had the feeling that this injury was somehow related to his acquisition of the creature held in his arms but knew that he'd get the story soon enough.

Pulling himself to a sitting position Mana stared at the boy. "What have you got there Allen my boy?"

Carefully pulling the fabric of his shirt aside Allen revealed the little gray rabbit. "I saved him… a bunch of boys were hurting him. Sorry Mana but I couldn't leave him, he's hurt."

Mana offered Allen a smile, knowing exactly why the child had felt compelled to help the rabbit. He identified with this small creature that had been made to suffer for the sheer enjoyment of a group of sadistic people. "It's alright Allen, I'm not angry. Bring him here and let me take a look."

Allen quickly obeyed, making his way across the small space and coming to stand at the bedside. Reaching out Mana gently probed at the wound, examining the injury while at the same time trying not to cause the rabbit further pain.

"Can you help him?" Allen asked, gazing at his foster father with pleading gray eyes.

With a chuckle Mana tousled Allen's hair fondly. "I can bandage the wound but you're going to have to look after him until he's well enough to go back to his home."

Allen nodded his head. "I'll look after him Mana. I promise."

The clown nodded his head, offering the boy another smile. "Alright then, let's get that wound taken care of." He paused at this point, his gaze once again focused on the cut beside Allen's right eye. "And after that we'll get you taken care of."

Allen's fingers absently went to the cut that he had sustained in the fight. "It's no big deal," the boy said nonchalantly. He'd had much worse during his relatively short life and didn't see what the big deal was about a small cut.

Deciding not to make a big deal about it Mana merely chuckled once more. "All the same we should clean it. And I'm not going to take no for an answer on this one Allen so don't even bother arguing."

Allen's facial expression gave hint to the fact that he wanted to argue further but in the end the child knew that it wouldn't do him any good. He recognized the look on Mana's face and knew that the clown's mind was made up. "Fine," he huffed, his gaze darting back to the rabbit. "But help him first."

"Alright," Mana said with a nod.

A/N - Aw, Allen saved a bunny! Hope that you enjoyed this chapter.


	23. Reflections

Disclaimer - I do not own DGM

Chapter Twenty-Three - Reflections

A small smile appeared on Allen Walker's face as he opened his eyes, taking a moment to realize exactly where he was. The dream had been so real that for a moment he actually found it difficult to believe that he was in his room at the Black Order instead of at the circus with his foster father. The revelation about the Fourteenth Noah, and his relationship with Mana, had caused the boy to doubt the very upbringing that had shaped him but the dream brought him comfort.

It had started out on a very depressing note, more of a nightmare than a normal dream, but the ending had been well worth enduring the beginning. Even though he often thought of the time that he had spent with Mana the dream had been so vivid that it was almost like reliving that time in his life. Something that Allen would give almost anything to be able to do. Recalling those precious moments spent with the most important person in his life, the man that he would have done anything to please, made him feel much better about the entire situation.

"_**He did what he did because of, and for, you… Despite what you may think, it had nothing to do with me."**_

Allen was somewhat startled by the voice that echoed in his head, though he realized that he shouldn't be. This wasn't the first time that the fallen Noah had spoken to him but in this moment Allen gasped as he realized, for the first time, that he had been hearing that voice for as long as he could remember.

So many years had passed that he hadn't made the connection at first but this kind tone that it had taken on served to jar his memory. This was the voice that had pushed him forward when all he had wanted to do was give up. The voice that had called out to him that first time at the orphanage and then spurred him on until the day that he had reached the circus and met Mana.

"It was you…" he spoke in a voice that was barely above a whisper. For some reason lending voice to this new discovery almost frightened the white haired teen. It was almost more than he could do to admit to the fact that his own personal demon had actually been the one offering him comfort during his childhood. And yet no matter how much he may wish to do so that fact could not be denied. "It was you the entire time."

"_**It was indeed my dear boy…"**_ There wasn't even a trace of the usual smugness that was almost always contained in the Noah's voice. In fact, although Allen wouldn't have dreamed it possible at this point, he sounded almost kind. _**"I couldn't allow anything to happen to you after all."**_

"You allowed plenty to happen to me," Allen retorted, thinking back to those hellish days before he had fled the orphanage where he had been dumped as an infant. How dare the Noah even insinuate that he had kept him from harm. The very thought made him beyond angry.

The Noah was un phased by this accusation from his unhappy and unwilling host. _**"And I also allowed you to keep your sanity intact by creating that inner sanctum that you so frequently retreated to."**_

Allen wanted to deny the fact that his words were true but as he thought back to the comforting voice and the soothing presence the truth could not be denied. It was indeed the traitor Noah the entire time. "So I suppose you think that I should be grateful to you for that?"

"_**I have no such illusions."**_

"Well that's good," Allen stated, his mind going back to all of the times that the voice he had thought to be all in his head had offered him comfort. As it turns out it really was all in his head but in a more literal sense. "Because I'm not going to thank you for implanting your memories in me… I don't care if you did offer a bit of comfort."

"_**I see that my brother didn't really have any luck curing you of that stubborn streak."**_

"Oh shut up," Allen grumbled, climbing out of bed and getting dressed for the day. He had never told another soul of the tortures that he had endured during his childhood, not even Mana had known the full extent, but for some reason reliving all of it in a dream had brought new perspective to the situation. Everything that had happened truly had shaped him into the person that he was today and, despite the mental scarring, he found that he had come to terms with it.

"_**Everything happens for a reason you know."**_

"I thought I told you to shut up?" Allen growled, tying the red ribbon about his throat. He didn't gaze in the mirror, not wishing to see the grinning face of the Fourteenth staring back at him, but instead sat back down on the edge of the bed.

Perhaps everything really did happen for a reason, Allen didn't know if that were true or not. But the one thing that he did know was that he had made a promise and, despite all that he had learned, it was a promise that he still wanted to keep.

"I made that promise," he mused to himself, a new determination rising to shine in his gray hues. "The real me. And I'm going to keep it. I promise Mana, I'll keep moving forward. Until the very end."

A/N - The End. Hope that you enjoyed reading this little story as much as I enjoyed writing it.


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